THROUGH THE GOOD AND BAD

What are you Thankful For?

2011-11-23T21:27:00.003-07:00

Here we are again, at that blessed Holiday in which we give thanks for what we have, where we are, and most importantly who we have in our life. Every year I find myself being more thankful for the things I may have once taken for granted. My family; both near and far, my friends; old and new; my wonderful Husband, and our precious children. I'm thankful for our health, the roof over our heads, and the ability to work so we are able to provide for our family. I could really go on and on.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and take a few minutes to give Thanks!

Brrrrr

2011-11-10T21:53:00.002-07:00

I am NOT ready for winter yet. For being born and raised here you'd think I'd be used to these freezing temps, snow falling from the sky for months and the ice that forms on anything that doesn't move and some things that do. I don't know why I never took advantage of the slopes and learned to ski or snowboard, at least then I'd be able to enjoy the winter months. Maybe because it was way too cold when I fell, i just decided to avoid it.

I do crave the sun and and the warmth. I'd be just fine soaking up rays on a rock in the desert. OH WAIT....there are snakes there! I'll stay in the snow!

Make Time!

2011-07-25T15:14:00.004-06:00

My Mom has the most friends of anyone I know and I'm not talking about facebook friends, I'm talking about real life friends. She has friends from all walks of life, all stages of her life, every income bracket, every social status, etc. Even though she's busy she still makes times for every friend she has. She never closes anyone out of her life.

I realized I needed to make more time for my friends, life is busy, but this is something I needed to do for me. It's easy with the friends who you see all the time, but friends from your past it's a bit harder. Time, distance, life; they change people, maybe too much to be friends again, but how do you know if you don't make the time to try to catch up.

Recently I had the opportunity to catch up with a few friends from high school, I jumped at the chance. It was so nice to see these guys, talk about old times, how life has been, about their kids, and their lives. I knew just from the time spent together that evening that no matter how much time had passed, we'd always be great friends.

Three days ago I logged onto Facebook and was shocked to see that one of these guys I had just caught up with had passed away. I won't get into specifics because it doesn't matter, what does matter is the fact that this loving soul, who's smile, which I never saw him without, could honestly light up a room is gone. He was married straight out of high school and they had two boys. From the conversation I had with him those boys were his pride and joy, he talked about what they were doing in school and their sports. He talked about surviving a horrific car accident and how happy he was to be here with his family. He beamed as he spoke about them. I am so happy I had that last conversation with him, that's what I get to remember.

I want to remind everyone to take the time to talk to people, catch up with old friends, neighbors. Don't ever think you're too busy, because if you wait until you have time, it may be too late.

Me & Spencer Breeze (circa 1993)

~dont judge the hair...please~

I'm a Mom, first

2011-07-19T22:41:00.001-06:00

When we built and moved into our house a decade ago my wonderful Aunt Eva gave us (me) this framed poem, as a housewarming, and probably also to remind me to be a Mom first and foremost. You see the women in my family tend to...how do I put this nicely...be a little OCD about cleaning. And while I've tried to be a little more relaxed, I do find myself becoming unglued over the smallest messes. I think I'm posting this as a reminder to myself. When I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions and there is too much to do, too much to clean, I just need to look at my kids perfect little faces and remember this is when I should concentrate on being a Mom.

Excuse This House

Some houses try to hide the fact

that children live there...

Ours boasts of it quite openly

the signs are everywhere.

For smears are on the windows

little smudges on the door...

I should apologize I guess

for the toys all over the floor.

But I sat down with the children

and we played & laughed & read

And if the doorbell doesn't shine

their eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I'm forced to

choose the one job or the other,

I want to be a housewife,

but first I'll be a Mother.

-Author Unknown

Summer

2011-07-17T20:41:00.005-06:00

This is my favorite time of the year! It starts in the Spring, when flowers start to bloom, trees start to green, windows crack open for the fresh air, and the days start to get longer. It lasts well into the fall with all the colors on the trees, the autumn nights around a fire, and the kids going back to school. But this time right now, when the sun rises before it should, and stays up past the kids' bedtime, when you get to savor the most of each day, these are my favortie days.

I hope you are all enjoying your summer. We're doing our best to capture as many memories as we can. I'll start sharing them soon!

Hello Again

2011-07-14T21:19:00.002-06:00

Wow! It's been way too long! And its defintely not because I don't have anything to write about, because if I had someone to dictate my thoughts to this blog would have a new post every day. I miss sharing my thoughts/ideas. I think I'll start making sure I make time for myself, which will include some time to write!

Happy Mothers Day

2011-05-07T16:19:00.002-06:00

Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day he asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to Earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?" God answered him, "Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

"But tell me", asked the child, "here in Heaven, I don't do anything but sing and smile, that's enough for me to be happy." "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you everyday. And you will feel your angel's love and be happy" God reassured him.

"And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don't know the language that men talk?" "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you Lord?" "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"I've heard that on Earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?" "Your angel will always defend you, even if it means risking it's own life."

"But I will be sad because I will not see you anymore" "Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could already be heard and the child in a hurry asked softly, "Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel's name." "Your angel's name is of no importance, you will call your angel Mommy."

Author Unknown

Mommy Dearest

2011-05-03T20:39:00.003-06:00

Apparently I am the worst mother ever, that according to the 7 year old that thinks she runs this roost. She's been making me a Mothers Day gift for weeks now, she keeps telling me not to look. Tonight she asked to stay out later than normal to play, I said no. She was so unhappy with me, as she marched to her room she yelled "You don't deserve a Mother's Day Gift!" Two minutes later she came stomping out with something all ripped up and threw it all in the trash. I guess my present is going to dump when the garbage is picked up tomorrow. Maybe if I was a nice Mom I would've given in an let her keep playing... Nope not happening, I'm the Mom not a friend!

I guess Mommy Dearest of the Year award goes to me, all because of a bedtime...

Happy Earth Day

2011-04-22T19:11:00.000-06:00

As the mother of two precious kiddies I should be more aware of enviromental issues that will no doubt effect their lives for years to come. Whats the saying... "We did not inhert the planet from our parents, we are borrowing it from our children". I'm ashamed to say, I'm not as versed in the subject as I should be. I am very proud of my dear sweet husband for doing more research and pushing me in the ways our family should be heading. I love that he pulls cans out of the trash to put in the recycling bin, that he buys recyleable items whenever possible, and that he tours our house constantly turning off lights. I know from the three gas guzzlers in our driveway you've never guess that about him.

Thats one thing that really upsets me, our fuel dependency. And when I say "our" I am talking about everyone not just this family of four. How did we as a civilized society become so dependent on something that is obviously in short supply? And the bigger question, how do we solve this problem. Yes I get it, point the fingers at us driving the gas guzzlers. So this family gets rid of our three vehicles for three other vehicles, even hybrid or electric, thats only 3 cars. Unless you get the whole world to do that, what difference will it make?

So what's the solution?

Maybe I'll invest in some horses and a couple buggies. How many do you think it would take to pull our boat to the lake?

Aunt B

2011-04-04T15:11:00.003-06:00

I LOVE being an Aunt! Love, Love, Love it!

JaDaKenn has been such a joy, and on March 25th his little brother Jeter Derek joined our family. Two nephews for me to adore and smother with attention and love!

Jeter Derek

6 lbs 3 oz 19 inches

JaDaKenn is not sure what to think about his new little brother, but I'm sure he'll be a wonderful big brother. I love these munchkins!!!

Wrestling

2011-03-21T22:22:00.005-06:00

Ethan's first wrestling season was short and sweet... He won half his matches, and took the silver in his tournament. Good job EDog!

Here are some pics.

Three of the four coaches (LeRoy had to work) with some of the kids at the end of season awards dinner.

Here is a picture of the gifts I gave the coaches as a thank you and below is the card we put together.

It was a great season and we all had fun. Ethan met some great friends and learned a little bit more about himself. It was so fun to see this side of him, and I loved watching the fire in my Brother again. Can't wait for next year!

Stinky!

2011-03-12T22:02:00.004-07:00

This is a conversation between the kids, I overheard while driving down the road.

"What is that smell?"

"That's a skunk"

"That's what a skunk smells like?"

"Ya, its gross hu!"

"Smells better than your farts."

Sure makes a mother proud!

Time to move forward

2011-03-05T20:25:00.001-07:00

The loss of my Uncle Pete has been heartbreaking to me. I love him dearly and will miss him every day. I have pushed off planning our Spring Break trip because it usually included a visit with him and that makes it too real. I know he is happy, healthy, and no longer in pain and I know he’s with his Parents, enjoying them. What hurts is knowing my kids won’t get the full knowledge of how wonderful he is. They do have their own memories of him, and I’ll try to remind them of him whenever possible. But I can’t possibly convey to them how wonderful he is, share all of his stories, or teach them all the lessons life taught him and that is a horrible feeling. I made this for his memorial service, please enjoy.

(Coming soon)

Losing someone so important makes you want to savor every minute you have, and I’m trying. I appreciate the sunrise every morning knowing each day brings amazing opportunities. I am appreciative for my job, knowing I am able to help provide for this family, and my husband doesn’t have to carry that responsibility alone. I watch our children everyday knowing although I’ll be their Mom forever; they will only be my “kids” for so long, before they spread their wings and leave our nest. I enjoy the little things, snuggle time with each of them, the relentless begging for “just one more game”, the constant drawing with papers and pencils strewn across the counters, all while marking each achievement for me to reflect upon when they have left to make their own mark on this crazy world. I appreciate my husband more with each passing day, realizing how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man in my life. He treats me better than I deserve most of the time and doesn’t ask for much in return. Whenever the pessimist in me rears its ugly head, he is full of optimism and is happy to share. He truly is my soul mate, the yang to my yin. I often think of him as the glass half full to my glass half empty.
So I guess it’s time to plan that Spring vacation and make some more wonderful memories with the ones I love. And even though Uncle Pete won’t be there for us to visit, he’ll be with us.

Proud Mama

2011-02-28T21:01:00.002-07:00

This year Ethan has decided to try his luck at wrestling. With him being such a tender heart and kind soul I was worried this wouldn't turn out well. He'd been practicing for a few weeks, and then it was time, his first wrestling match. We rounded up the family and headed up to school. When we pulled in the neighborhood where the school was located, it was so dark, the power was out, the wrestling match was canceled. Ethan was very disappointed to say the least. A week later we tried again. Unfortunately Ron had a meeting out of town and wasn't able to get back before our sons first match.

We entered the gym at the high school and I was afraid to let the kids out of my sight. It was organized chaos! I was so nervous. Slowly my backup started to show up; my Mom, Jess, JD, Kenna, and luckily I ran into some great friends, Waylann & Brooke, who were there with their son River. Ethan was paired up with another kid the same size as him and sent out onto the mat. It wasn't going so good, he was losing, and then in a matter of seconds, Ethan had the kid in a cradle and pinned him. I was shocked and proud. His second match didn't end so well, he was pinned.

The Proud Mama part came not from him winning, but from watching his sportsmanship. After his first match his shook his opponents hand and gave him the one armed hug. In between matches he looked up in the stands and saw a kid crying, and asked me to excuse him, ran up the bleachers and sat down with the upset kid. When I asked what he said, he told me the kid was upset he lost his first match, but Ethan told him it was ok and that he still had another match. After his second match, after being pinned, he was visibly upset, but still shook his opponents hand and then walked over to his opponents father and shook his hand.

I hadn't realized how grown up he has become. Sometimes you have to step back and let them show you, and I hadn't given him the chance. He continually surprises me. I hope he knows how proud both his father and I are of him.

Uncle Pete

2010-12-19T21:33:00.001-07:00

While this blog is my way to share, it's really my way to put the ramblings in my mind down on virtual paper, so to say. It's how I'm able to clear the cobwebs from the rafters in this head of mine. I have an uncle who once told me that sharing on the internet was just inviting people to snoop into your life, that it's a disregard for the privacy we've come to hold dear. He once told me that if I ever posted a picture of him on the internet, on my "damn blog or the damn facebook" he'd stop speaking to me. We'll I sure hope that's not the case.
You see it's time for me to share about my dear Uncle Pete, whom I love and cherish more than he knows. I have several uncles and aunts and they all have a special place in my heart, I have stories about each of them and memories that I wouldn't give for anything. My Uncle Pete is one of those guys that says it how he sees it, who can come accross as mean and gruf. He always means well, even if that's not how it feels.
When I was a child, Pete was scary, with his no nonsense attitude. Yes I have memories of him that I'd rather forget, because he did scare me, but I have plenty since then that I hold dear. The first memory of him I cherish is one of my favorites, one the I think changed my life forever for the better.

I was about nineteen and working at a dentist office, his dentist. One morning he came in, and on his way out he told my boss that he was taking me to breakfast. It was probably the first time we had been alone together. I went, worried about what he was going to say to me, knowing there must be something that was on his mind. Sure enough, over breakfast he proceeded to tell me that I was angry inside, that I needed to forgive my Dad for leaving when I was little (another story, another time). He told me that no matter what the reason, whether it was right or wrong, unless I let go of the anger I was never going to find happiness. He said that he only wanted me to be happy, but for that to happen I was going to have to remember the love I had for my Dad, and never be the one to "blame". Which meant I had to send cards, I had to call and write, even if he didn't respond. He reminded me that I was worth a fathers love, even if I didn't feel worthy. When he dropped me back off at work I was in tears, but not because I was afraid, but because he was able to knock down a wall that I had built around my heart, that I thought would protect me, but was only isolating me from love.

This wasn't the only time he had to speak frankly to me, even about this subject, but over the years we've built a relationship I treasure. I'm not sure if I've completely let go of all that anger, but he did help me open up enough to find love. I thank him for helping me with that. I believe that without his brutal honestly I would have pushed true love away, instead of letting myself be vulnerable, and that would have been a mistake.

Right now my Uncle Pete is lying in a hospital bed and I wish I could be there with him. The last message he left for me said "get your asses down here, no excuses", we didn't go. I hope I don't end up hating myself forever for that. And I hope he doesn't disown me for posting this or his picture.

I love you Uncle Pete. Thank you for being here for me and my kids. Thank you for telling me how it is. Thank you for loving me like you do. I hope to see you very soon!

What if....

2010-10-28T21:26:00.000-06:00

We’ve all done it, played the game, asked the question, thought of the scenario, fantasized about what it would be like; you know “what would I do if I won the lottery”. What would you do first? Faint, go on a shopping spree, and maybe call your biggest frenemie to rub it in? What would you do? Move into a bigger more elaborate house, go on vacation, and buy every pair of shoes that call your name?

I am more of a practical girl, almost insanely practical, so let me tell you what I’ve always said. Of course, the first thing I’d do is call a good lawyer and a financial advisor. After that was taken care of and I had paid a substantial amount of taxes, I would pay off every bill we had and put money in trust accounts for the kids. I would have to buy all the shoes that called my name, because that is my obsession. I would take my family on the most amazing and humbling vacation, somewhere we could relax, bond, make memories, and make a difference.

This is where the “fantasy” of winning the lottery goes terribly amiss, donating to charity. Not because I wouldn’t want to donate, more of the thought of deciding; picking one charity as a more worthy cause, how do you do that? How do you decide which cause is more important? Would you give your money to help feed starving children or would you give your money to help find cures for diseases killing loved ones? Would you donate for people who have become disabled fighting for our great nation or to the abused animals who cannot fend for themselves? Would you provide shelter for someone less fortunate or give a dying child his or her biggest wish? Do you try to help save the planet or the people of a dying nation? Do you contribute to help spread the word about the atrocities being committed around the world or do you dig in, starting with your own community and hope it will spread?

Yes, I’ve always had my chosen charities when it comes to donating, because they have special meaning to me. It’s not much, but if my donations are added to everyone else’s donations, it makes a difference. I want a cure for Cancer, a cure for MS, a cure for Alzheimer’s and I want transplants to be affordable to anyone who needs them. Every child should have every opportunity available, regardless of money. I hate the thought of anyone going hungry or anyone sleeping in the cold. I hate the thought that out there in world kids are forced to work to help provide because there are no other options. I hate the terms “child abuse”, “sex slavery”, “blood diamond”, and “ethnic cleansing”, to name a few. So how would I choose? Just the thought makes me anxious.

I’m so thankful I haven’t won the lottery!

Bragging Moment

2010-10-26T20:40:00.004-06:00

I am so proud of both of my kids, for all the things they do. Right now I want to share Ethan's great artistic ability. He's always loved to draw and everytime he brings something home, and I'll always have that little feeling like he maybe "traced" a picture, but then he'll start to draw in front of me and I'll be in awe. It's so natural and it just flows from him. I thought I'd share some of the recent favorites.

I'm not sure who this is..but I'm sure its a cartoon character.

He went through a couple weeks of "perfecting" his flames.

Yes, he was so bored one day he even drew his shoe.

Of course he had to take a shot at drawing "The Last AirBender".
And now he says he's drawing his own comic book. Here are a couple of his drawings (looks a little like other cartoon characters, but with a little Ethan in there).
Love you Ethan!!

We need to stop Bullies

2010-10-09T17:49:00.004-06:00

Recently in the news there have been a rash of stories about suicides directly related to bullying.

Pheobe Prince-15 years old

April Himes-13 years old

Jared High-13 years old

Ryan Halligan-14 years old

Daniel Scruggs-12 years old

Laura Rhodes-13 years old

Joshua Melo-15 years old

Kasey Hone-16 years old

James Rogers-16 years old

Tyler Clementi-18 years old

Hope Witsell-13 years old

"name withheld"-10 year old Boston Girl

Asher Brown-13 years old

Seth Walsh-13 years old

The list could go on and on..when I put "bully" "suicide" in google search it brought up over four thousand matches!

It's been overwhelming to say the least. When I was growing up a bully was someone who teased you on the playground at recess, someone who yelled profanities at you from the other side of the road, someone who gave up after the taunting yielded little to no results, and most fortunate for any of us, someone who "disappeared" when we entered our santuary called home. Nowdays, with all of the available technology, bullying is so much more, and unfortunately even being home is not a safe haven for these victims. They get harassed with texts, emails, facebook, even with websites created just for bullying.

I've found similarities in these "bullicide" stories; the kids were liked, smart, gentle and nice. Some put on a brave smile and never mentioned the bullying, most tried to tell someone, but found no help was enough. These bullies have lost respect for not only their victims, but also for anyone in authority; parents, teacher, even police. There have also been stories of adults, the victims parents confronting these bullies, and the parents are the ones getting in trouble. They have been ticketed and some even arrested for threatening these bullies, "verbal assualt"; isn't that exactly what these bullies are doing to their victims? Why can't they be issued citations for assualt?

In this house I'm going to make sure my kids know they are loved, that they can come to me no matter what, they will know that they need to accept people for who they are-with no judgement, that everyone deserves to have a happy life. I will continue to talk to them about bullying and hope that in their lives and the lives around them, it makes a difference. I hope you'll do the same.

Honestly I don't know what the answer is but I do know we all need to stand together to stop bullies and the bullying that goes on these days!

This is a wonderful website for parents and kids http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/kids/

My opinion on the fire!

2010-10-01T21:28:00.002-06:00

Several years ago there was a news story about houses being “red flagged” by the fire department, meaning if a fire were to come close to the house, there were to be no extra efforts from the fire departments to save the property. The homeowners were furious and at first, I thought it was ridiculous; isn’t that their job! But the more I looked into it and the more I thought about it, it made perfect sense. These houses that were “red flagged” were houses built on the mountain side, surrounded by trees and overgrown brush, they were difficult to get to and most likely any fire involving these homes would be too dangerous for any firefighter to fight.

I realized that there is a price to be paid when you live in such a beautifully secluded and peaceful place. Having family and friends that fight fires, including in this specific area, I agree, no human life is worth a home or property.

Unfortunately, even after the stories of the “red flagging”, people continued to build their homes in the same area, yes, it cleared trees and brush, but they didn’t take into account the houses were still on rugged terrain and the other side of the mountain was still brush and trees. These houses are amazing, all the newest and greatest upgrades and accessories; houses to be envied.

That is, until two weeks ago when a mixture of a stray bullet from target practice, dry brush, and high winds turned into a nightmare. We watched on the newscast as flames headed towards these beautiful neighborhoods. I worried about friends and family who live in the area, I worried about the horses that live in the area, hoping their owners were able to have enough time to get them safely out, and most importantly, I was worried about the family and friends I have who are firefighters and all their coworkers who were headed right to the center of it all.

Usually when horrific things happen, people band together, but that first night, I knew I would not be “banding” together with some of these homeowners. I watched as they were interviewed by reporters, as they complained about the lack of response from the emergency dispatchers, about the firefighters not doing enough to save property, they complained about being evacuated with not enough time to get their belongings. I literally had to take some deep breathes to calm myself.

On the second day of this massive undertaking, which by the way the “red flagging” had no bearing on, I called my Aunt to check on her, knowing her husband, my Uncle, a firefighter, would most likely be right in the middle of it all, and I was right. He was in the middle of it all, but not in the way I though. He probably wishes he was in his turnouts, sweating in the heat, fighting flames; but he was getting heat from homeowners, understandably upset about the fire. Upset about losing property, losing cars, having smoke damage, not being allowed back in their homes, etc. They were literally in his face over these things! I was furious, knowing that these firefighters are risking their lives and still people were angry. I know that the homeowners yelling at my Uncle were only a small percentage of the residents affected by this tragic event, but to think that even one person felt this way was disheartening.

I hope people take a few minutes to appreciate their local emergency services; police officers, firefighters, EMT’s, etc. They really are angels on earth. Just take a look at the miracle they managed with this house below.

Followup: Last night on the news there are stories of some homeowners fraudulently filing claims for thousands of dollars for bogus “cleanings” and property loses. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

Back in the "Saddle"

2010-08-23T18:16:00.000-06:00

At the beginning of the racing season Ethan had a little mishap. He broke his collarbone and it took him out for at least seven weeks. Eight weeks later, I was ready to go watch my son ride his dirtbike and enjoy himself, but that wasn't the case. The longer he was off the bike, the harder it was for him to get back on. It's like that saying about "getting right back on the horse", well unfortunately he didn't have that option. The longer he was able to sit and think about what had happened, or more importantly, what could have happened the harder it was to get him on the bike.
I didn't want to push him, I'm not that kind of a Mom. But I didn't want to let his fear control him either. So there I was stuck between being the "stage mom" and the mom who would forever regret her decision to let her son quit because of "the fear". I had to find a way to get him riding again without being pushy.
A couple weeks ago Ron took him riding at a local field they practice at. He said he had fun, but also said the Ethan had told him he didn't want to race anymore. Sure, a part of me was a little sad. Racing is something he has done for five years. The excitement of the Friday night racing, the comradery of the families at the track, watching him ride and jump, it's something that can't really be described, but it was sort of our summer tradition.
If he really wanted to quit, that would be his decision, not ours. But I still wasn't convinced it wasn't because of "the fear".
Two weeks ago we attended my companies summer party and happened to run into one of my coworkers who 2 year old son had just fallen off the couch and broken his collarbone. It was the perfect opportunity for me to bring up the subject with Ethan. I explained to him that life is unpredictible in so many ways, that his collarbone could have been broken by rolling off his bed at night while he's sleeping, as much as it was by the dirtbike crash. I told him we knew it would be scary, and the longer he waited the harder it would be. And I left it at that knowing he would ponder it and come to us if he wanted to talk.
It didn't take long, only a few days later he started talking about racing again. We didn't push, we let him talk without jumping completely on the bandwagon. We encouraged him to do what he felt was right without making him feel judged. And it worked. He came to us earlier this past week and said he was ready to race, and as luck would have it, there was a race the next Friday. Ron took him to practice and when they came home he said he's never seen Ethan ride like he did. He said it was amazing! The next day we went through our race day rituals, getting off work early packing the kids up and heading to the track. Everything seemed different, even the people were different, it seemed like it had been years, not months.

We told Ethan there was no pressure, he didn't need to feel like he needed to push himself to win. Each moto he came off the track smiling and happy. He enjoyed himself, and as a bonus, at the end of the night, left with a 2nd place trophy!

It may have taken longer than we thought, but he's "back in the saddle" and enjoying himself. He's already talking about the next race.

2010-07-22T14:19:00.001-06:00

I find it rather ironic how death is a part of life. Isn’t that some sort of oxymoron? You could say that I have been to more than my fair share of funerals. Yet with all the experience I’ve had mourning you’d think I wouldn’t keep needing reminders of what is truly important in life.

Without getting to in depth in my beliefs, I do know that there is more than this life and I will see those departed again. What I find so hard is in knowing that their presence will forever be missing from the rest of my life. There will be no more new memories, what I have is what I get and that is final.

I’ve watched how people mourn and how they move on. I’ve watched the inconsolable mourning of those who believe there is nothing after this life and I’ve watched the joy of seeing a much suffering soul “move on” from those who believe in heaven and an afterlife. I’ve seen spouses who won’t change a thing after their significant other has passed and those that immediately feel the need to fill a void and find someone new. I’ve seen those who have been stronger then anyone thought and lived years after losing their soul mate, and those who have been so broken hearted they pass away shortly after. I’ve watched children bury their parents and parents bury their children. I’ve been to funerals of people who have died “naturally” and those who have left this world before their time. Each of the departed has their personal story but the passing is still as heartbreaking as the last.

Why write about this now? Last night as my Brother and I stood at the headstones of several family members; our Grandparents, a cousin, and a cousin’s son, I was reminded of what is important.

Today my cousin will bury her son no doubt right next to his brother. Her son, a young man, not yet in his prime, a father to children who I saw running around last night, knowing their Dad is gone, but really too young to know what that really means. I watched my cousin in sheer agony of the loss of a second child; no parent should have to bury any of their children, let alone two. I felt the loss of this young man whom I had not seen in a couple years, but luckily do have fond memories of, I just wish I had more. But I must hold onto the ones I have, and they will have to keep me satisfied.

I hope this rambling is a nudge to everyone, a reminder of what is important. You can replace things, but you can’t replace people, you must work to live, but don’t live to work. It’s important to build memories that you can hold onto, pictures in your mind and in your heart. Because you never know when it will be the last time you see someone, and the memories you have is all you get to keep.

One returns to the place one came from.
- Jean de la Fontaine

Summer Plans

2010-07-02T20:42:00.000-06:00

Is it really July? Really?? I can't believe how fast time flys by. I was really hoping to slow down this summer, to spend more time enjoying my family and friends. Cherishing what is important, making memories that will linger for years to come. I've yet to even begin making plans to do anything of the sort, and I just don't know why. We haven't taken the boat out, we haven't even taken the top off the Blazer! It's like we haven't gotten into the summer groove, like we're waiting to be invited by some magical "summer fairy".

I want this summer to one the kids remember. Ethan is getting older, and pretty soon hanging out with his family is going to be more of a duty and obligation, rather then something he looks forward to. I remember being his age, you know the summer before 6th grade, the last "elementary" summer, wow, that was a fun summer. I want him to remember his the same. And this is Sophia's last summer before she starts school "full-time". Lots of changes are coming our way and I think it's really time for us to slow down and really enjoy this time together.

Here's a list of things I'm thinking of planning:

Camping trip with Ronnie and the kids
Lots of boating weekends
Trip to a good friends wedding....YAY~Sienna and Zack
Trip to my wonderful Grandma's "40th" birthday LOL...I won't spill the beans on her age!
A few days here and there with each of the kids on there own, for special days
Maybe a little trip for me and Ronnie in there somewhere, just the two of us (we deserve it)

Let me know if you have any other great ideas for me...I'm open to suggestions.

Picking Role Models

2010-07-01T13:08:00.002-06:00

Ethan is growing up and there is nothing I can do about it, except make sure he grows up to be a great adult. I've tried to make sure he never really looks up to sports players or musicians as idols, it's like fools gold, really nothing worthwhile to offer. At times he's spent time looking up to Ronnie, or my cousin Chandler, or his Grandpa, or his Uncle Monte, which is all fine with me. But lately he's been looking up to Kenny, my cousin Bree's boyfriend. And I'll admit, he's probably one of the coolest guys we've met in a long time. He's got his "stuff" together, but he's still "cool" (is that even the term used these days). He owns a skateshop and Ethan admires him and looks up to him. He even wrote out an invitation to Kenny for his birthday party.

I've sufficiently apologized numerous times to Kenny, because I feel like Ethan is pestering him, after all, he is a 30 year old man, who owns a skateshop that gets bombarded with kids daily, all he needs is a kid bugging him on his time off. He is constantly telling me that I shouldn't be apologizing, that Ethan is "cool", but like he'd say any different right, at least to my face. I guess he really means it because I heard that he actually told someone that he couldn't wait to have kids, and he hopes they are just like Ethan, because that kid is awesome. I'm so glad Ethan has picked out role models that I believe will really show him responsibility and morals, and he is choosing good ones on his own.

Do you think a sports star would actually take the time to say that about a kid that admired them? Highly unlikely and probably wouldn't be the best role models either.

Ethan has found a good one. Thank you Kenny!

Long Lost (better forgotten about) Nickname

2010-06-10T16:20:00.001-06:00

I'm about to walk you down a memory lane, one I've tried to push down into the deep darkness of unwanted memories....because it makes me look like a ditz.

I turned 16 in December and could have run down to get my drivers license that day, but for some reason I knew that was a bad idea. After much prodding by not only my friends, who wanted another friend to chauffer them around, but also my Mom, who was probably tired of being my chauffer, I finally went down and got my license on Valentines Day. Yes almost two months later. I think I was too busy studying to be able to focus on driving (wink wink), but really we all know I just wasn't very observant.

My brother and his friends would torture me endlessly with taunting and teasing (because that's what little brothers and their friends do), but after I started driving they had plenty of material. You see I wrecked constantly it seems, and even though they weren't all my fault, because I wrecked frequently, I got teased about them all anyway.

Now I'm going to show my age...around the same time there was this great cartoon on, that everyone watched...DuckTales. And if you watched the cartoon you know what name my brother, his friends, and even one of the Dad's of some of the friends called me....

Launchpad

Yes, it was great (whats that new symbol for sarcasm). I was even in a restaurant once and the Dad (who shall remain nameless) yelled "Launchpad", and I looked! Not my greatest claim to fame.

I've tried to live that name and those wrecks down, but unfortunately this week, the ditz appeared again. I'm ok, very sore, and my car is going to be fine. But what is damaged the most is my ego, I don't want to be Launchpad anymore.

BTW...don't try to call me this...I will ignore you, and maybe even "unfriend" you.

If you don't like my Opinion, Quit Reading

2010-06-08T16:35:00.000-06:00

I'm about to get political on you all...I'm not trying to offend anyone; I'm just voicing my opinion. That right was given to me clear back on December 15th, 1791, it's called the First Amendment, and I will take full advantage of it when I feel the need.

Because of this Amendment I am free to "speak my mind", as are you, and every other person living in this country. Unfortunately I've found there are quite a few idiots living here so you need to take heed before repeating what you hear.

Every once in a while I receive some great emails from my wonderful Aunt Bonnie (love her), and as always I do my research before forwarding anything on. There was one that she sent me called "I'm 63 and I'm Tired" of course I did some research and found a few small discrepancies, but I also found the blog by the author of this awesome writing, http://tartanmarine.blogspot.com/, and an updated blog entry to the what he wrote which was turned into an email, which is a MUST READ... http://tartanmarine.blogspot.com/2009/02/robert.html.

I will admit there are probably some of his opinions I'm not on board with completely, but that's probably because I'm not fully educated, so I won't mention which they are. However, there are a few that struck a chord with me that I MUST share. I've left my own little comments on a few, just to clarify my perspective.

**Please remember I cannot take credit for the following words, they were written by Robert A Hall.

"...I’m tired of being told that I have to “spread the wealth around” to people who don’t have my work ethic. I’m tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy or stupid to earn it." (I am not wealthy, but I am proud to say I have always worked hard and have never depended on anyone to pay my way. I don't try to keep up with "the jones" as they say, but we work hard, so if we want something nice, we'll buy it.)

"...I’m tired of illegal aliens being called “undocumented workers,” especially the ones who aren’t working, but are living on welfare or crime. What’s next? Calling drug dealers, “Undocumented Pharmacists”?" (illegal aliens are breaking the law...hence the term "illegal")

"...I’m willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person who can speak English, doesn’t have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military. Those are the citizens we need." (My Grandparents were not from this country, but they worked hard, supported their family and knew what a blessing it was to live in this country and made sure their children were proud to be American's. They didn't cheat the system and enter into this country illegally; they went through long processes and lots of paperwork. I do not believe we should "clear out this country", but there is a difference between immigrants trying to make a better life for themselves and their families legally and responsibly and those trying to suck all the benefits out of this Nation without doing any work.)

"...I’m tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor."

"...I’m real tired of people who don’t take responsibility for their lives and actions. I’m tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination, or big-whatever for their problems..." (I believe it's time for everyone to own their actions and where they are in this world, stop making excuses. If you don't like where you're at, do something about it!)

Please take the time to read his blog, to do your research, to educate yourself on what is happening to this country, and to decide whether or not you're willing to just sit idly by and let it happen.

May 19, 2000

2010-05-19T11:52:00.003-06:00

What were you doing ten years ago right this moment? I remember what I was doing…I was lying by a pool in the warm Las Vegas sun with Ronnie, some family and friends, relaxing and enjoying the day. Looking forward to later that day when my amazing brother would walk me down the aisle and place my hand in Ronnie’s, and we’d become husband and wife. I love those memories, and the ten years of memories we’ve made since that day.
Sometimes I take for granted how wonderful my life is because of him. He’s made me a better person, and I hope he believes the same of me. We share two beautiful children, who couldn’t possibly want or need a better Dad. He’s a dependable provider, a rock of a best friend, and most importantly the husband I could only wish for. Thank you Ronnie, for being all this and more!

Happy Anniversary Hun! We are "Better Together". I love you! Here's to many more anniversaries spent together!

How Hard We Had It

2010-04-27T08:54:00.003-06:00

Every so often I get this email, and everytime I read through it and laugh because its SO true.

Enjoy....

"When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot...in the snow...BOTH ways. yadda, yadda, yadda... And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty++, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a dang Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email ! We had to actually write somebody a letter... With a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents spanked us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our butts! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then sometimes the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it! There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a darn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... Not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600, with games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on television! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to actually get off your behind and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network, either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no; no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

And car seats - Oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were luckily, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970, or any time before!

OUCH!

2010-04-21T19:00:00.000-06:00

Every summer our Friday nights belong to the track and to Ethan's races. We plan around his schedule, not to accommodate him, but to teach him when you make a commitment to something you stick to it.

Well this summer is going to be different. The race season was set to begin last Friday, April 16th. Ronnie decided he should take Ethan out to the track to let him practice before the race, always a good idea, except for maybe this time. Ethan was riding hard, trying his hardest, and came down hard off a jump. He was so tough, got back up on his bike and rode away. But as tough as our E-Dog is, he's no match for a broken bone. Yes, he broke his right collarbone, or in medical terms he has an "angulated displaced clavicle fracture." For now we've been told our options are to opt for surgery, which includes a metal plate, or the wait and see method, we've chosen the latter.

Ethan's pretty bummed he won't be racing, at least for six weeks, let alone doing much of anything else. He's such an active kid, and he really shouldn't be doing anything he normally does; riding, skateboarding, anything that could damage the injury further, and because it's his right clavicle, he really can't even draw. Both our kids are so energetic, I have no idea how to keep an immobile child busy....any suggestions would help.

I do have to say this, I know riding isn't the safest sport, but in our defense, he has been riding for 5 years and this really is his first injury. And as for the collarbone, it's one of the most common broken bones in children, in fact newborns can break their collarbones coming through the birth canal. Yes we will continue to let him ride and race, and hope this is the only injury, but we'll be ready for anything that comes our way.

Changes are Coming~

2010-04-15T19:08:00.001-06:00

In some alternate universe there is a complete opposite of me, a free spirit, that goes with the flow, takes things as they come, and doesn't worry the least bit. I picture her with her hair flowing, no makeup on, dressed in an almost a "hippie" type flowing floral dress, twirling in a sunny meadow somewhere. There are times I wish I was her.

But in this universe, I'm an over the top, insanly irrational control freak. There is something in me that makes it impossible for me to feel comfortable "going with the flow", which is why I dread change. Change for me is jumping into the unknown, with no life vest on, and why would anyone in their right mind do that!

I know change is inevitable and that's what I'm looking at right now. I'm hoping this change brings amazing new opportunites for me, Ronnie and the kids. Afterall, that is the only reason I allow us to take these leaps of faith, for my family.

JaDaKenn Update

2010-04-06T08:53:00.004-06:00

Being an Aunt is awesome! There are no words to tell you how much I love this little guy. He had his two month check up yesterday, he is 19 1/2 inches long and 7 lbs 9 oz! He's in the 50 percentile which is amazing considering he was a preemie. He is doing fabulous!

A couple weeks ago I was over visiting and he fell asleep in my lap all sprawled out. Everytime I tried to bundle him up or hold him cuddled he would fuss, so now I know, he likes to be streched out, once I let him be the way he wanted he didn't even make a peep. Of course I just sat back, let him sleep and enjoyed my time with him. I had to get a picture of him like this, all arched back with his arms over his head.

(Isn't he perfect)

I've been amazed at the changes I've seen in my brother. He's matured so much in the last two months, being a parent will do that to you. I'm so proud of them!

Havalee Hope ~ January 26th, 2010

2010-03-16T17:02:00.000-06:00

I have been surrounded by so many people who I love dearly and who are such a big part of my life I guess the odds of having tragic things happen to me and the people around me are greater than if I was a recluse and had no loved ones.
It’s only March and I feel like I’ve been on the 2010 rollercoaster for what seems like more then a year. The birth of my nephew has been such a blessing, and although it was too early for him to join us, it was in many ways perfect timing. JaDaKenn Saxon was born on January 30th, 10 weeks too early, but also four days after a truly devastating loss for all of us. My beautiful cousin Stephanie and her husband Derek, along with their daughter Ariana, son-in-law Chad, son David, and daughter Hannah were expecting a new member of their family. A little girl was due to join their, our family around the same time JaDaKenn was to join our family. I was so excited for us all, and for their little family. Stephanie had said that she had dreamt of this little girl for over a year before becoming pregnant, and although her youngest, Hannah is already 10, she knew that this little girl was meant to join their family. Unfortunately during one of her early appointments they were told that there was a problem. After several ultrasounds and a lot of testing they were delivered devastating news. The child she was carrying was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, also known as Edwards Syndrome. Trisomy 18 is a condition caused by a chromosomal defect, during conception the baby receives three #18 chromosomes instead of the normal two. T18 is not hereditary, nor is it due to anything the parents did or did not do. Most people are aware of Trisomy 21, also known as Downs Syndrome; however, with T18 most of us didn’t know what to expect. After doing research I was heartbroken. Most babies with this syndrome die before birth, and those born live are given supportive medical care, meaning they focus on nutrition, fighting infections, and managing heart problems, with only 10% of these precious babies living to their first birthday. Just typing this is breaking my heart all over again. Stephanie and Derek had such amazing strength and belief during this pregnancy. We all tried to give as much love and support as we could. I won’t lie, it was hard; to watch such great people who we love so much going head first into undoubtedly the worst heartbreak anyone could experience.
They decided to give her a name that had meaning, Havalee Hope. They made her as much a part of their family as their other kids, including her story in their family holiday newsletter. They created a “hope” tree for her and let us all buy an ornament for her. The day I took the ornament we had chosen over to their house I sat and talked with Stephanie for a bit. I laughed and cried with this amazing woman. I listened to her and supported her as best I could. But as she told me she was planning a funeral instead of a nursery I broke. No parent should have to bury their own child. She confided in me that her only hope was that she would be able to bring Havalee home, if even just for a day. Unfortunately that wasn’t to be. Havalee Hope was born into Heaven on January 26th, 2010. When I was visiting in the hospital Stephanie asked her dear friend to pick up Havalee and hand her to me. I can’t tell you how amazing it was to hold that angel, if even just for the few moments I was blessed to. She was beautiful, too beautiful for this world.
I’d like to believe things happen for a reason, and it’s all part of a bigger plan. I’d like to believe Havalee was in heaven watching our hearts breaking and turned and looked at JaDaKenn, knew he would be fine and said “You need to go heal them”. I want to believe that, if only just for my own sanity. JaDaKenn was born 4 days after Havalee was born to Heaven, and 2 days later we attended Havalee’s funeral. I believe that was the most emotional week of my life. As I watched Derek, Stephanie and their children at the service, I realized their love and strength would get them through this, and this would give them love and strength like they'd never known. I’m so thankful that they have such a strong faith, it’s not only helping them by reminding them they will see Havalee again, but its helping the rest of us, by helping us feel comfortable to talk to them about her.
Stephanie still amazes me, she insisted on not only helping plan a baby shower for JaDaKenn after this happened, but also attended. She MC'd the game, helped with decorations and even sewed a beautiful diaper bag for them. She's been given a "free pass" if you will (by my brother and Kenna), to visit, hold, and kiss up on JaDaKenn as much as she'd like. I don't mind sharing Aunt duties with her at all.We may not be able to see Havalee, but we can always remember her and for those of us lucky enough to be still enough, we may be able to “feel” her. She’ll always be a part of our family, and I’ll always have the belief that JaDaKenn’s first friend is in Heaven watching him and smiling!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

2010-03-15T16:00:00.003-06:00

This morning as I'm fixing Sophia's hair...

Sophia: Whats wrong with your hand Mom?
Me: It's still asleep
Sophia: Did it stay up all night and party?
Me: (trying to hold in my laughter) It must have, dang hand!
Sophia: You should tell your hand it needs to go to sleep when you do and not party all night!
Me: I will have to do that.

A Little Piece of Perfect!

2010-02-21T10:28:00.002-07:00

I never questioned that I'd become a Mom, it was something I always knew I wanted to be and would be. What I did question was becoming an Aunt. The thought of being an Aunt seemed to be elusive for me. My brother, although we all he would be a great Dad, just didn't seem to be on the track for parenthood. That has all changed, and we couldn't be happier. JD and Kenna have made me an Aunt, and given my kids a cousin!

JaDaKenn Saxon Johnson was born January 30th, 10 weeks early of his April 9th due date, due to complications. He was 16 inches long and weighed 3 lbs 5 oz. He was rushed to the NICU right after being born, and he's still there, growing stronger every day. The doctors and nurses that helped deliver him joked that he came out "punching", and he's been fighting to get bigger and stronger every day.

I feel such a stong connection to this little guy, and I haven't even been able to hold him yet. I can't wait to squeeze him and kiss up on him, but I know that will have to wait, so for now I'm happy to just sit, take in the sight of him, and watch him grow.

Oh, and Uncle Ronnie already loves him too, just look at his smile.

Grow Saxon, Grow!

***Update....as of today he weighs 3 lbs 15 & a half oz and is 17 3/4 inches***

Vocabulary Lesson

2010-01-22T12:48:00.002-07:00

I've always thought I've been fairly decent with my vocabulary, although I must admit it's easier said than done (or in this case, written). Ronnie has recently made it his mission to remind me that I still have trouble using "then" and "than" correctly. It's so frustrating. I don't understand how these two little words still baffle me. It's not like I'm of below average intelligence (or so I think). So, not for any readers out there, but rather for myself, I am posting the definitions of these words so that I am able to refer to them whenever I am posting... Hopefully there will be no more misuse of these two homophones.

Then: Then is used either as a time marker or with a sequence of events.

"Back then we knew what was expected of us."

Than: Than is used in comparative statements and is not related to time.

"He is taller than I am"

Once I get these two down I may need to move on to effect and affect. If there are any other words you think I need to work on, please share!!!

Playing Catch Up

2010-01-17T16:22:00.002-07:00

When do I have time to blog...seriously! I feel like such a slacker...I know, I know, I say that all the time, so there's proof, it must be true, right? So I guess this post will be a "catch up" post so I don't keep saying that.

Dinner with my friends was amazing. I've been in contact with them since then, through email and texting and such, I didn't realize how much I missed them, until I had them back. It's great to have them in my life again.

Christmas was WONDERFUL! The weekend before Christmas we took the kids to see Santa, and while we were getting ready Sophia informed me she was still mad at Santa from last year!?!?! Hmmm... really, mad at Santa? She went on to explain that last year she asked for the Barbie Cruise ship, and Santa said "ok", but he didn't bring it for her. She definitely was sour about the whole situation. So this year, as she sat on Santa's lap, I stood behind her and listened carefully. When she asked for the cruise ship again, right as Santa was about to say ok, I gave him my "stern" eye look and shook my head no. Santa went on to tell Sophia, those are kind of hard for Santa to find, maybe he'll have to surprise her. Whew....Santa, you saved your ass this year. Of course our darling son is the exact opposite, he wrote in his letter to Santa "even if you can't bring me what I asked for, it's ok, I'll still believe in you." How cute is that. And yes, I know he's 10 and should know soon, but I just don't have the heart.

Christmas morning I heard them wake up about 5:30, and I waited for them to come get us, but the next thing I knew it was 9! The angels let us sleep in (after all Santa was up until 1 wrapping) and didn't even bother the presents until we were up! That's some self control! Santa brought Ethan the guitar he asked for and Dad made sure to get him a skateboard from his favorite store in the whole world (Of course Ronnie got his from my Mom and Jess later that day).

Santa made Sophia's day by bringing her ice skates, which were also on her list, I think she'll forgive him for last year.

We spent the rest of the day driving between families. It was really a nice holiday.

On to my Birthday... After last year I just couldn't imagine it could get better. Ronnie kept asking me where I wanted to go for dinner, but things have been rough for a lot of people this year, and its right after the holiday, so I told him I'd rather stay home. Somehow he made it better then last year! He made the whole "traditional thanksgiving dinner", and wouldn't let me help him at all. He said he invited people over, which I assumed was the usual suspects, my mom, Jess, JD, Kenna, etc. But I was surprised by everyone who showed up.

It was wonderful to be surrounded by so much love. And because we weren't at a restaurant, there was no rush to leave, and since Ronnie wouldn't let me help, I didn't have to worry about the clean up. It was nice to sit, relax, and visit with so many loved ones. My only complaint is that they brought presents. All I want is their company..so next year NO PRESENTS!
New Years was another somewhat uneventful evening. Ronnie and I took the kids to dinner, then we went over to a friends house and let the kids play video games, and just hung out for a while. Nothing spectacular. Just another nice evening with Ronnie and the kids, and some good friends.

Now for my "Resolutions"

Slow down the pace
Appreciate what I have, whatever it may be
Be a little selfish every so often
Take care of myself better, so I am able to care for others
Listen more, talk less
Never miss an opportunity
Exercise (this has to be on everyone's list, right)
Make sure to keep my Husband #1
Organize my life, so I can do 1-8
Laugh, Laugh, Laugh

Happy 2010! This is going to be a great decade!

Please Donate!

2010-01-14T10:22:00.003-07:00

I have been heartbroken over the reports, pictures, and video coming out of Haiti. I can't describe to you the sickness I've felt for the helplessness I have been overcome by. I can't imagine what these people are going through. My heart breaks for each and every one of them. Empathy is my Achilles heal, but I can't imagine feeling any other way then I feel now. It reminds me how lucky we all truly are. We all have our problems, and so many are going through financial struggles, but even at the worst, we should all be thankful.

I don't care where you donate, but PLEASE, have some compassion and donate, even if its $5, you can't imagine how much that can do. Please make sure your donations are made to a reputable organization. Below are some tips listed on MSNBC to help recognize scams:

Ignore unsolicited emails, and do not click on links within those messages.
Be skeptical of individuals representing themselves as surviving victims or officials asking for donations via email or social networking sites.
Be cautious of emails that claim to show pictures of the disaster areas in attached files, because the files may contain computer viruses. Open attachments only from known senders.
Decline to give personal or financial information to anyone who solicits contributions.
Make contributions directly to known organizations, rather than relying on others who claim in emails that they will channel the donation to established groups.

I'm donating to Doctors Without Borders. The reason being, this organization is already set up and assisting the injured. Over 1,000 people have received treatment thus far in tented facilities they have set up near the building they were previously set up in. They have several planes ready to send more medical supplies, including an inflatable hospital with two operating theatres. They have 80 additional staff members, including surgeons and anesthetists, ready to go. And after doing the little research I'm able to do, lets be real, we don't have a lot of time here, the money you donate can go far:

Your Donation-What It Can Provide

$35-Two high-energy meals a day to 200 children

$50-Vaccinations for 50 people against meningitis, measles, polio or other deadly epidemics

$70-Two basic suture kits to repair minor shrapnel wounds

$100-Infection-fighting antibiotics to treat nearly 40 wounded children

$250-A sterilization kit for syringes and needles used in mobile vaccination campaigns

$500-A medical kit containing basic drugs, supplies, equipment, and dressings to treat 1,500 patients for three months

$1000-Emergency medical supplies to aid 5,000 disaster victims for an entire month

$5500-An emergency health kit to care for 10,000 displaced people for three months
Pray for these people and their nation.

We may not personally know anyone from Haiti, but it shouldn't matter, we are all children of God!

UPDATE....

2009-12-24T13:31:00.001-07:00

Pictures from our fabulous dinner last night!!!! I laughed and cried and made a wonderful new memory to add to "our story".

Desirae Duncan Johnson, Me, Robyn Loertscher Moody, & Darci Simmons Branich

Darci, Desirae, Me, & Robyn

Love, Love, Love these girls!!!

Old Friends (Not to say they're old)

2009-12-22T15:31:00.007-07:00

I have this dinner coming up with three long lost friends; I'm so excited about I just have to share. And so the story begins.......

Once upon a time there was a girl named Brandy. When Brandy was a wee one around the age of 5 she would often visit her Grandparents; but while there would become bored and whiney, driving her Grandparents absolutely crazy. Her Grandma decided to find her a friend, luckily a few house down lived another wee one named Robyn. So when Brandy would visit she now had a wonderful friend to keep her busy. The two rambunctious children soon became great friends. A couple of years went by when Brandy was enrolled in Robyn’s school and the two were now reunited in 2nd grade. What fun they had with their days learning, playing at recess, walking home from school together, but tragically, after that magical year together the two were split apart!

They both continued on their journey through 3rd and 4th grade when as fate would have it, Robyn was enrolled at the school Brandy was now attending. It was such a reunion! During that year, they brought several other girls into their friendship, most fell away, but they found a special bond with Desirae, and the two became three, three girls who shared the next two years doing what most “tweens” do; learning, laughing, fighting, making up, sharing, finding boys, and such. They made great memories during those years.

Just when the world seemed right, the three girls were headed for impending doom. They were, despite their best efforts to fight it, being sent to Middle School. It was a scary time, very scary indeed. How would they navigate through that huge school? What if they got lost? What if they got bullied? But worst of all, what if they got separated? It was a horrible thought! But there was no way out of it; they had to face this journey, hopefully together.

For the most part the three were split into different classes and lunches, but luckily they found a way to manage to remain together, the three of them, walking to and from school together, sharing what had transpired during their days apart. During this time they learned to lean on each other and were so lucky to have their special friendship to hold them up during that difficult transition. But what they didn't realize was that something was still missing from this group of three, or was it someone.

During that first year of middle school they made several new friends, but one fit perfectly, her name was Darci. Darci was a perfect addition to this friendship. With her bubbly personality and her optimistic outlook, she helped these three navigate through all these changes and taught them to let others in.And so it was, the three became four; Brandy, Robyn, Desirae and Darci, conquering middle school, awkward preteen years, sleepovers, toilet papering, and oh yes...boys, together. Those are some of my fondest memories growing up, the four of us, with our trips on the bus to the mall, riding the sky coaster at Lagoon looking for cute boys, scaring ourselves so bad with scary movies sleepovers ended up having little to do with sleep and more to do with keeping each other awake; but most important learning who we were and who we weren't.
After we started high school I went to a different school, and sort of lost touch, I can only blame myself for the loss of such great friendships. I hope they remember our friendship as fondly as I do.
Robyn, Darci and I have managed to get together about a year ago with our kids to catch up, but we were missing Desirae.

She had moved away and we weren't able to find her at the time. But that darn Facebook has a way of helping pull people out of the woodwork. Desirae has been found, and lucky for us, although she is living over 2,000 miles away, she is here visiting family for the holidays. We are planning to get together tomorrow night to catch up, look at pictures, and most importantly to rekindle our friendship.

This Thanksgiving

2009-11-23T12:16:00.003-07:00

Thanksgiving has always been a great holiday for me. Family, food, friends, and fun, not to mention a day to reflect on everything we have to be thankful for. No matter who I’ve spent this day with in the past it’s always left me with a good feeling and warm memories.

I have memories of Thanksgiving shared with the Lugo family, eating rice and beans, with family filtering through my Grandparents house, almost as if we were scheduled in shifts. I have memories of Thanksgivings with the Casper family, with the whole family sitting at the table to eat a turkey and all the trimming together, all while the guys continued screaming at the football players in the TV, as if they could hear. And most recently, Thanksgivings at the Chatwin home, where the visiting and games after dinner were really what everyone was looking forward to.

Last year Thanksgiving was about being thankful that Curtis survived his accident and was finally able to come home. In fact he was so healthy; he actually boarded a plane to visit his Dad. So, without him, we all came together to give thanks for that. The day ended not so well for me, leaving the ER early the next day. But look, it’s a year later, and I’m still here, planning Thanksgiving Dinner for this year. I’m going to try to not let the anxiety of those memories or my uncoming test results haunt me, I’m going to give Thanks for my family, my friends, my health (yes, my health), my families health, for my ability to work and help provide for my family, and equally if not more so that Ronnie is able to do so, I’m going to give Thanks for all the wonderful people who have stood by me from day one, those who have come out of the woodwork to show how much love they have to share, and those who have shown they don’t, so I can get on with those who do.

And above all, to give Thanks to God, who has given me this wonderful life, who gave me the people I need in my life, who instilled in me the strengths I’ll need to endure and the faults I’ll need to help me learn. Who brought my wonderful husband into my life, and blessed us both with the two most wonderful children we could ask for.

Yes, the trials are not over for the Hess Family, but that does not mean the sun is shining any less bright on our faces. And for that, we’ll give Thanks.

Sophia's Haircut

2009-11-21T14:16:00.003-07:00

Before the haircut

After donating 10" to Locks for Love

Sophia's Birthday in Pictures

2009-11-21T13:54:00.006-07:00

Sophia's Birthday Breakfast Set-Up

Isnt' it fancy??? Thanks to Nana

Friends Party

Sophia and her pink polka dot cake

The girls making their "Friends are the Flowers in the Garden of Life" shirts

All the girls....Leah, Kaylee, Allie, Olivia, Sophia, Analisa, Lexi, & Kalena

Family Dinner Birthday Party (@ The Pie)

Me and my darling daughter opening presents

Grandma Sheila and Nana watching Sophia open her presents...

Sophia blowing out candles...again

I hope she had a wonderful 6th birthday. My baby is growing up too fast!

Veterans Day

2009-11-11T10:48:00.002-07:00

"This Veterans Day, I believe we should do more than sing the praises of the bravery and patriotism that our veterans have embodied in the past. We should take this opportunity to re-evaluate how we are treating our veterans in the present."

~Nick Lampson

My grandparents live in a small town outside of Tucson, every year a local 4th grade teacher has his students write letters/poems to the local veterans expressing their gratitude and has them read them aloud. A few years ago we were visiting during Veterans Day and had the pleasure of accompanying them to this event. It was such an honor to be there and to watch as these children got up and expressed what we all feel, and to see the pride in my Grandfather was indescribable. I am so thankful to all the veterans, those who are living and those who gave the ultimate sacrifice, their lives, for all they have done, and all they continue to do. And if I could, I'd thank that teacher for making this day so special for those Vets and so important to his students, for reminding them how important our Vets are and how we should treat them with all with respect, dignity, and appreciation.

Here is a picture of my Grandfather receiving a letter from a student at the event last year...

I am so proud of him!

Sophia's birthday

2009-11-09T14:29:00.007-07:00

It sure doesn't feel like it's been six years since our precious spitfire of a daughter came into this world, but it's been that long. Last week she turned six and I've never seen her so excited for anything. For days all she could talk about was her birthday, and turning six, her party, and having her friends come over.

I'll never forget the day she was born. She was so beautiful with that curly red hair and that big round face.
Although the curly hair went straight as it grew, its still a beautiful red color.

And although she's as beautiful as ever, and her hair is still the most awesome color of auburn, I'm more proud of the little lady she's becoming then anything else. She's so independent and sure of herself, she doesn't question her opinions or look to others for the path to take. She is a leader and a social butterfly. She loves to learn, and has actually been teaching a hispanic girl in her kindergarten class English. She hates the days she's out of school and can't wait to get back to the classroom. She's fearless, not afraid of anything, the only girl in a kung fu class and the the little girl who doesn't want to get off the 50 she inherited from her big brother. She has her own sense of fashion and loves the sparkly stuff, but also loves wearing her dirtbike riding pants and playing in the mud, she's a tomboy in a dress one day and wearing pearls with jeans the next.

I don't put anything past her, no one can tell her she can't when she knows she can. She told me this morning she wants to visit Mars, and knowing our daughter, she just might.

She is a Daddy's Girl and will always be my baby.

Happy 6th Birthday to our Sophia Maria Tortilla, FeeFee, Sofers, Sofeefee, aka Miss Sassy Pants!

***I forgot a couple nicknames.... Lil Red and the one I only call her; Sweet Pea.***

2009-10-28T14:25:00.002-06:00

"Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."

~Lindsay Lohan, Mean Girls

That's how it seems these days, doesn't it!

Recap

2009-10-21T13:22:00.001-06:00

Wow…what a summer this has been. I don’t know how it went by so fast, but it’s already over. So before I move on to the next season I must take a few minutes to reflect on the last.
For our family we started our summer a little earlier then usual, with a trip to California at the end of April. No, we didn’t make it to Disneyland, but we did lots of other fun stuff. We took the kids to Legoland, Seaworld, and spent a few days at the beach. With Ronnie working in California it was the perfect time to take the kids there, and they thought Dad having his own apartment was the coolest thing ever (I’m not so sure about that). I enjoyed my time with Ronnie and the kids’ and hope they will remember this vacation fondly.
It seemed to rain all of June, so planting of gardens and flowerbeds didn’t happen until way to late in the season, but I still enjoyed the digging and pruning while I could. If anyone has suggestions on raspberry bushes, let me know. I planted ours a few years ago, and still nothing.
Again, with Ronnie out of town, Ethan racing was a bit difficult. It was hard for Ronnie to not be there with him, hard for him to not have his Dad there, and hard for me to know what the heck I was suppose to be doing. I think I finally got into the groove, even pulled the bike on the trailer out to the last couple races. Ethan said “You’re the greatest mom ever! Not many moms would leave work early and pull a trailer with a bike on it just so their son could race.” It makes me so happy to know he gets it and really appreciates me. He’s becoming such a great little man.
And of course there was the great vacation my husband took me on in August…still can’t get over how much I loved it there in Maui, but who wouldn’t right.
We didn’t do as much boating this year as last, mostly because of Ronnie being out of town so much, but when he was in town; we tried to get to the lake as often as we could. The kids started jumping in the water on their own instead of being pushed in or coerced, they are truly becoming fish. We did manage to get a good boating trip in during Labor Day weekend. We went south and visited two lakes we hadn’t been to yet, Sand Hollow, which was beautiful, but far too small and too packed to really enjoy “boating”, it was more like “floating” and Quail Creek, wow, what a hidden gem. Quail Creek seemed about the same size as Sand Hollow, but was far less packed, I kid you not, probably at the most 10 boats on the lake at the same time the whole day. It was so warm and peaceful and we even managed to get my much beloved Uncle Pete to go with us. It was a great time.
And now summer is ending, we’ve already winterized the boat, I’ve pulled the flowers out of the gardens and tilled the dirt, I’ve hung autumn decorations in the house and have begun planning for what’s to come.

What a difference a Year makes!

2009-10-15T19:04:00.002-06:00

I don't even know where to start...that's how I felt a year ago and it took me weeks to actually sit down and type out the story and my feelings. I won't do that today, I'll take the time to write, I'll make the words come.

Last year, at this time, I was sitting in the hospital with so many family members, waiting, for some spark of hope, for one of the nurses to actually smile or wink or give us some sign that everything would be ok. But it wasn't happening. Last year at this time no one gave any of us much hope that my cousin Curtis would still be with us today. Everything changed that day, life changed, the world changed, our family changed, and nothing is the same. The hospital staff just knew from that first day, there was no controlling this family, the ICU rules just could not apply to us. Two visitors at a time, no...we piled em in 4 deep 6 wide, visiting hours...what hours, no touching the patient..ARE YOU KIDDING! That was the most ridiculous, I understand the overstimulating the patient, but when you have someone in a coma, who is so used to a loving touchy feely family...like ours, he needs to feel us, to know we're all there, he needs to hear us, he needs to know how much we need him and want him back. That night, they gave up.

You see, for those of you that don't know..Curtis was in a horrible accident. They had given up on him before he was even in the hospital. They didn't call in a plastic surgeon to even look at him for two hours, they were just waiting for him to pretty much...die. When my brother called me, he told me I should come see him before they took him to surgery "just in case".

Over the next few weeks we all got to know that ICU better then anyone should. I would work all day, sometimes visit at lunch, and then either go straight there and then get home right before the kids went to sleep, or hurry home from work, spend a few hours with the kids, and then go to the hospital and drag myself out of there sometime before midnight.

Every movement, every twitch, every sound gave us some hope, and finally he slowly started to wake up!

He's still with us, life if different for him. He doesn't see himself when he looks in the mirror, it's a different face, and most of the time he's very positive about it, of course there are those moments when I'm sure it sucks pretty bad for him.

But for us, we're thrilled he's with us. We still want to beat him for putting us through that, but it actually has brought us all much closer, even after a year, we still make sure to say "I love you" before we end a call, we try to get together even for the little things, and yes, I do try to take more time off work for no reason at all.

I've always been waiting, working towards something, but now I realize...my life is happening NOW, it's not what happens some day in the future, its all these small moments woven together.

Appreciate every minute you have with each other, don't worry about the dishes in the sink (yes, I'm still working on that one) or the weeds growing in the garden, read a book to your kids, snuggle with your significant other, take time to appreciate what you accomplished today don't worry about what you didn't..it'll still be there tomorrow. But you never know WHO won't, love them while you can.

Better Together

2009-09-18T11:38:00.002-06:00

Every couple has that one song that they choose when they get married, I've always thought of it as a "theme song" to your life together. Our song was and is Amazed by Lonestar, it's a wonderful song about being so in love and wanting it to last forever. I can't remember exactly how it became our song, but I'm thinking it had something to do with Ronnie singing it to me.

"Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away...
...Baby I'm amazed by you"

While we were on in Maui, on our dinner cruise, there was a singer who was taking requests and such. Well, Ronnie snuck away on the pretense of finding the restroom. A few minutes after he returned, there was a birthday wish from Ronnie to Brandy (not really my birthday, we have no idea where that came from), he proceeded to say how Ronnie wanted to let his beautiful wife know how much he loved her and was enjoying this time with her. He proceeded to dedicate the song "Better Together" by Jack Johnson to us. Apparently Ronnie had asked for another song, but he didn't know it, but this song was perfect, and has now become our song also.

"...Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart
'Why are we here?' and, 'Where do we go?' and, 'How come we're so hard?'
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together...
...But I will still tell you one thing, we're better together"

Hawaii 2009

2009-09-13T12:26:00.000-06:00

Here it goes…the story of my wonderful trip with my amazing husband. All of you jealous people should stop reading now, because I will be gloating and rubbing it in as much as I possibly can in this post.

If you’re still reading prepare yourself, I’m about to take you on a journey I never expected to have, too rich for my blood, too perfect to be real…ok so there was the minor detail of a hurricane, but really the trip was so amazing Hurricane Felicia was long forgotten before the trip was even over. Last month, after having my husband working out of town for what seemed like eternity, he whisked me away on the most beautiful memorable vacation. He went all out on this one, taking me to the Ritz-Carlton in beautiful Kapalua, Hawaii.

I’ll admit it almost didn’t happen. Earlier in the year we talked about taking a vacation and he really wanted to go somewhere in the Caribbean, but I was adamant, I was not traveling to a hurricane zone in the middle of hurricane season, did he think I was crazy!?!? We finally agreed Maui was going to be the perfect vacation for us to reconnect. I had finally come to terms with leaving the kids, leaving work, and spending way too much money to relax, and I was just getting anxious to get on that plane and head to paradise, what happens…. Yes, a hurricane heads straight for Maui. Are you kidding me!!! When was the last time you heard of a hurricane hitting Maui, really? Ok, so I did a little research, a Category 4 hurricane (Iniki) hit Kaua’i in 1992, but from what I could find that was the most recent, and before that it was in the 1800’s. Anyway, I was instantly deflated, telling coworkers I could possibly be into work the next week, instead of on vacation.

Needless to say, thanks to nonrefundable tickets, we took our chances and boarded that plane. And what does the pilot proceed to say “We have a date with Felicia today”, nice! Although we flew through what was left of Hurricane Felicia, at the time downgraded to a Tropical Storm, the flight was uneventful, which was perfect for me.

As soon as we deboarded the plane, you could feel the storm, the wind was howling and the air was humid (although it’s always like that in Hawaii). We made our way to the rental car and took the hour drive to the hotel. As soon as we pulled into the hotel I knew it was going to take some acting on our part to fit in with this class of people.

The hotel was gorgeous and everywhere you looked was something amazing to look at. Because of the storm we stayed close to the hotel the first two days we were on the island.

We really wanted to relax, so we didn’t plan too much to do. We did go snorkeling to Molokini and Turtle Town. I was nervous because I’ve never snorkeled before, the water was cold, but we went right in. At Molokini the fish were beautiful and I was doing ok until I saw a snake looking creature…I made my way directly to the boat. On the way to Turtle Town we passed a couple turtles that were actually swimming around, with their heads out of the water. I was too excited not to be one of the first right in the water. Ronnie and I headed out, even though the water was much colder there, to find some turtles. It took a while, but we finally found one on the bottom, just sitting there. We decided to find some others, so we went out towards where we had seen the ones swimming and sure enough, about 10 ft away from us, there was one swimming. It was amazing! That is until we looked up and realized we were swimming in a current and we were the only two still in the water. I really thought we wouldn’t make it back to the boat, luckily they knew we were still out there and a couple of the crew was happily cheering us on to beat that current. Oh, and if any of you have seen School of Rock, you’ll know “Ned Schneebly”, Jack Black’s roommate in the movie…he was on the snorkel cruise with us.

We also went to a luau. We met a nice family who we sat with and enjoyed the night of wonderful food, good company, and beautiful entertainment. We also did a dinner cruise one night. I’ve never seen such beautiful sunsets! The only thing I wished was different about that night was the couple we got seated with. Not that I don’t like to meet new people, but we put at a table with an older couple, both professors at a university. Not really much for the four of us to talk about. We tried, but it just didn’t flow well. There was an incident, and an ambulance had to meet us at the dock to remove a passenger that had fallen, but that was about the only excitement.

We went to the beach a couple of days, of course we went to the pool, some days we did both. We even took a nap in a hammock.

The flight back was amazing. If you’ve never upgraded to first class before, you should try it. It’s not expensive. We actually bought the cheapest tickets we could find instead of spending a fortune. When you get to your gate, go to the desk and ask the agent if there is a possibility of upgrading. On the way there the fee was too much, we decided against it, but on the way home it was cheap, so we upgraded to first class and enjoyed the ride.

I know I’ve blabbed for way too long, but let me say this…I have NEVER been on such a relaxing vacation in my life! Even before I had kids and could do whatever I wanted, I was never so relaxed. If you can afford to stay at a Ritz-Carlton hotel, do it! They treat you like royalty, we didn’t even have to keep the acting up, we fit in, and they were great. I thought I would regret not doing all the tourist things while I was there, but if you’re vacations are to get away and relax, you just can’t possibly do both. I’m ok that we missed the Road to Hana and a few other things, mostly I wish we would have been able to make it to Pearl Harbor, but that is a different island, so really I only have one regret about this trip…that it wasn’t long enough!

I PROMISE!

2009-09-10T15:46:00.002-06:00

I'm awful. I promise I meant to update our blog with our trip...I'm just waiting for some pictures to be emailed to me.... I will get it updated with or without those pictures this weekend I promise....

For now I'll leave you with this quote that I found while I was trying to find something to tell some of the complainers I work with...

"Instead of complaining that the rosebush is full of thorns,

be happy that the thorn bush has roses."

~German Proverb

Update Coming Soon

2009-08-24T21:38:00.003-06:00

Some of you have asked me to get out of my slump and get this blog updated! I know, I'm a slacker! But with Ronnie working out of town and the kids going to school and everything else, it's just been way too hard. Hopefully this will do for now....

I promise I will get this updated soon!

Saying Goodbye to Logan

2009-07-16T12:40:00.002-06:00

I know it's been a while since I've actually posted my thoughts or shared one of our many adventures and it's not that I don't have anything to talk about, believe me, it's just that every time I start typing, my thought all flow together, until one story comes to the forefront. I've tried not to share this with the blog world, not because it's not important, but just because I feel this story is personal, emotional, and somewhat intense. But I feel like I'm going to have writers block until I let it flow out of me, so here it goes...

Before the world was saying goodbye to Farrah or mourning Michael, we were trying to come to terms with the sudden loss of Logan. On June 20th, Logan a precious 8 year old racing phenom lost his life in a tragic accident.

Ethan had raced with Logan for a few years. When we started going to the track we really didn't know too many people, but Logan's family was great. They really had that "Everyone's more then welcome" attitude. There was no "front", if you will, from any of them; it was "you get what you see." Ronnie and Logan's Dad, Rocky, would talk about bikes and the boys riding, while Ethan and Logan played. Even though Logan was younger then Ethan, he progressed faster, he was an awesome rider, born to ride, race, and fly, it was hard to believe he was only 8. From what I've witnessed myself, and the stories I've heard, he was destined for greatness. But on the night of June 20th his life was cut short, doing what he loved, racing.

The racing community has been devastated by this sudden loss of not just a natural rider, but a fabulous kid. He was polite and generous, humble: I never witnessed him being boastful or bragging. He would take 1st in a race, and when the other kids, not knowing Logan had won, would come and tell him they came in 3rd or 4th, he wouldn't say he won, he'd tell them how awesome they did.

When Logan died and the news shared the story, I was shocked at the ignorance of the comments from so many. I couldn't believe without knowing him or his family they could spew so much hatred and nonsense. It literally made me sick. I won't waste my time repeating any of their idiocy, but since this is my blog, i will take this time to defend my opinion. Logan loved racing, he was always eager to get out there on the track. Even when he was playing between moto's the talk always turned to racing, jumping, berms, and tricks. They'd build little hills to jump the peddle bikes, or little race tracks to play with their toy dirt bikes on. Yes, this was a hobby he seemed to inherit from his father, but not because it was pushed on him, but because it's only natural for children to become interested in the hobbies their parents are involved in and activities they are raised around. His parents, from what I observed over the years, were supporters of the greatest kind. When Logan raced, you knew where each of his family members were; Rocky would be on the track with him, just in case there was a wreck, BeLinda, his Mom, would be somewhere in the stands, with a great view and her camcorder, and his Sister Tosha, would be standing, usually on the west end of the track, with her camera, taking amazing still shots of her little brother in all his glory.

For those of you who think this sport is too dangerous for kids, I understand, it is a scary, for those who aren't involved. We as parents take every precaution possible to keep them safe, we spend a lot of money on safety equipment: helmet, chest protector, neck guard, glasses, shin guards, riding boots, gloves, you name it, we buy something to protect it. These are our kids out there for heavens sake! We don't push them to race when they are tired or hurt, in fact most of us won't let our kids on the track when they are tired or hurt.

Yes, accidents happen. And things sometimes go horribly wrong. But we can't put our kids in bubbles, we can't be overprotective, we can't let them live life without really living, what's the point in that? We could let them play a "safe" sport and be miserable, and then they could get hit by a car in the parking lot. And all your memories will be of them moping around, playing a sport they hated, never being happy. Or we can let them experience it all, choose for themselves, and keep them as protected as we can.

Ethan has tried a lot of sports, but he loves riding and racing. I could take that away from him because of this accident, but I'm not going to. I'm going to take a deep breathe, be the grown up, make sure all his safety gear is on properly every time he rides, I'm going to watch his eyes light up as he gets his bike started, and I'm going to have plenty of memories of his happy face, enjoying his life. And yes, if Sophia chooses to ride one day, we'll let her.

Even though Logan died while racing, his parents don't blame the sport, they know it was an accident. They did a very brave thing when Logan passed away, they choose to donate his organs to save others, that's a very wonderful thing, giving others life, and I truly admire and thank them for that. I hope the Emerson's know that they will forever be in our hearts, as will Logan.

This is a picture of probably one of the first races Ethan and Logan were in together, Ethan is on the red bike, #8, Logan is on the yellow bike, #81.

Logan Emerson
8/3/2000~6/20/2009

2009-07-02T07:55:00.002-06:00

“May today be peace within. May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be... May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you... May you be content knowing you are a child of God... Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love. It is there for each and every one of you.”

~Mother Theresa

Note to Self....

2009-06-23T21:57:00.001-06:00

2009-06-08T21:59:00.004-06:00

I haven't been able to make it back to sewing night, I've been too busy. But my Mom has made it to every class and has finished a few projects. Including this cute little outfit for Sophia.

She loves this outfit! I know my Mom is proud of herself for finishing this, as she should be, I'm so proud of her too!

I really need to make it back to class!

2009-06-04T20:49:00.002-06:00

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio "To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written." My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Worn Out

2009-06-02T13:05:00.001-06:00

Last weekend, while I suffered near death, with a head cold like no other, my kids were enjoying life with their Grandparents. Ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating with the whole "near death" thing, but truly, it was a rough weekend for me. I had been feeling sick for a few weeks, but mostly just blamed it on spring; pollen, grass, you know...allergies. But about a week ago, it hit me, head congestion. I started to feel like it was more, but if you know me you know I'll suffer through it until I just can't take it anymore. Friday night was it, my head felt like it weighed more then my body. I finally caved and ended up in the insta-care. Yes, I was officially sick, walking out with my three prescriptions, I headed straight to my bed to spend the next two days waiting for relief.

Of course I couldn't possibly take care of my two little ones being that sick, so lucky for me I live about a mile away from my amazing Mom and her awesome husband. They picked up the kids and had them all weekend. They took them to the movies Friday night. Saturday, Grandpa Jess took Ethan riding and then both the kids went to Aunt Diann's house to play with Derian and Christian, then they were back at Grandpa & Nana's watching movies. Sunday Grandpa took Ethan golfing while my Mom took Sophia to breakfast and then took them both swimming at her friends house. They had a blast and came home completely wired and worn out.

Apparently last night they were still exhausted. They were watching a movie in Ethan's room, when I went in to tell them it was time to get ready for bed this is what I found:

It was only 7:30 and they were out!

It wasn't an easy task waking them up, getting them into their own beds, but we managed. And the best part...they slept all night!

Thank you Mom! Thank you Jess! You've been GREAT! I appreciate you both more then you know!

Thursday Thought~

2009-05-28T12:14:00.007-06:00

For Memorial Day~

"This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave."

~Elmer Davis

Thursdays Thought~

2009-05-21T08:12:00.000-06:00

Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

~Collin Quek

Our Anniversary

2009-05-19T12:49:00.002-06:00

Today is our wedding anniversary, I could tell you the same story I did last year about how Ronnie and I met, and why I think our marriage is wonderful, and why it will last, but I won't. If you want to be reminded, look back to last years post.

Instead, let me pose this to you...have you ever looked over the Traditional/Modern Anniversary Gift lists? I was trying to find something original to buy Ronnie for a gift and I thought, why not look through those lists to maybe spark some ideas. But really who came up with these lists. Lets see for our anniversary this year it would be Pottery or Willow, for the traditional, or Leather, for the Modern. What would I possibly buy him to conjore up warm loving feelings for me that would fall into those categories? Any ideas? I guess for leather, there would be several, but that seems more like Valentines Day, not a romantic anniversary. If you have any ideas let me know, no I have not waited for the last minute to buy a gift (but I'm not sharing what it is just yet), I just want to hear your cleverly romantic ideas.

Thursdays Thought~

2009-05-14T09:01:00.001-06:00

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.

~Jimmy Johnson

Thursdays Thought~

2009-05-07T08:28:00.002-06:00

In honor of the upcoming Mother's Day:

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

~Elizabeth Stone

Hmmmm

2009-04-25T23:43:00.002-06:00

Guess where we had lunch today????

Thursday Thought ~

2009-04-23T07:56:00.001-06:00

My 100th post, and I'd like to leave it simple with a quote from a very inspiring person....

“When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have”

~Stephen Hawking

Better Late then Never...

2009-04-16T21:26:00.000-06:00

Here are some pictures from Easter....better late then never right.

Coloring eggs, so much fun for the kids, but for a ocd mom like myself, a little nerve racking. But I have to admit, I do enjoy watching them have fun, it's even a better memory when the clean up proves to leave no stains.
Would you look at the concentration...
and the happy little faces...

Boy did they make a haul..

The kids all dressed for Easter brunch

2009-04-16T09:16:00.002-06:00

ENJOY each and every moment, because before you know it the moment will be gone.

Tamara Terrill's Grandmother

(thanks for the quote)

Spring Vacation Last Year

2009-04-14T12:29:00.002-06:00

Last year we took the kids south for a vacation. It was so much fun. Anytime we get to get away with the kids to relax is awesome, but not only was it us, but two of my Aunts and two of my cousins were there, we met them for lunch on the last day there and it was so much fun.
My Cousin Allie, Cousin Bree, Aunt Diann, Aunt Denise Ronnie, Ethan, me, and Sophia. What a great memory!

I can't wait for our vacation this year....Bring it On!

My Artist

2009-04-08T16:07:00.000-06:00

I'm sure I've mentioned several times my sons art skills. I don't know where he gets it from, but he's amazing. Sophia has started to love to draw also, but Ethan is a natural. Here are just a couple of his drawings from over the years....

The characters from the movie Robots. He drew this about 3 years ago, so he was about 6 or 7This is a plane landing, he drew this right after a trip we took in November of 2006

This is a picture of a wolf he brought home from school last week

I hope he knows how proud I am of him!

2009-04-02T14:29:00.002-06:00

Watch your thoughts; they become your words.

Watch your words; they become your actions.

Watch you actions; they become your habits.

Watch your habits; they become your character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

~ Frank Outlaw

So Proud

2009-03-31T16:19:00.000-06:00

As many of you know, Ronnie has been busy building a hospital with his crew (including my brother JD). He sent me some pictures, and of course I don't know all the technical terms or what qualifications make doing his job so intense, but what I do know is that when I really look at these pictures I get this imense feeling of pride in what Ronnie and JD do for a living.

I mean look at the size of that beam compared to the trucks on the ground next to it.

Could you imagine feeling the sun on your face from this far off the ground (ok, so this day wasn't so sunny). The knowledge you must posses to know precisely where every beam must be set.

The trust you must have in your coworkers when you're stories off the ground and have beams flying overhead.

Imagine watching this go from an empty field to what you see here, knowing without someone doing what you were doing, this place wouldn't one day become a hospital to serve and save lives and you were helping make it happen.

Seriously, look how small they look...can you see the two people at the bottom of the building and two at the top?

And of course, one picture of my brother, who we love dearly!

Ronnie didn't send any pictures of himself this time. But I hope to get some of him on this job soon.

Benefit Dinner

2009-03-28T11:30:00.005-06:00

I just wanted to remind everyone about the Benefit dinner tonight for my cousin Curtis. There will be food, family, friends, entertainment, a raffle, and lots of fun. We also are selling tshirts with the following graphic on it (which includes the first xray of Curtis after the accident). Adults $15, kids $12.

Please join us to help raise money to help Curtis with his medical bills.

Thursdays Thought~~~

2009-03-26T09:27:00.000-06:00

We're always so busy thinking about and planning for the future. But what's the point when you waste the here and now? Don't focus on tomorrow; rejoice in what you have and make the most of today!

500 Ways to Throw Away Stress by Donna Smallin

Thursday's Thought~~~

2009-03-19T21:26:00.003-06:00

"Focus on what you have, rather than what you have not. Always, there will be people who have more wealth, charm, and abilities than you, just as there will always be people who have far less than you. Be content with what you have today."

500 Ways to Throw Away Stress by Donna Smallin

Families that play together....

2009-03-17T15:08:00.001-06:00

I think Mother Nature must have received my complaint, because the weather has been so nice and warm lately. Let’s just hope it stays this way.
This past weekend Ronnie and I were going to take the kids bowling, just to have a little family fun, but we just couldn’t bring ourselves to take the kids to a dark stuffy stinky bowling alley when it was so sunny and nice outside. We made the decision (against little Red’s pleading) to go miniature golfing and it was wonderful. Even Sophia decided it was better then bowling. We had such a good time golfing in the sun, playing games, winning prizes, and making family memories. With everything that has been going on, it seems like it has been way too long since we’ve shared such a perfect day together. And even though I forgot the camera (URG! bad Mom…I know), I hope we all remember this day for a long time.

In never fails...

2009-03-09T15:09:00.002-06:00

Winter comes, the snow falls, followed by the shoveling of driveways and sidewalks and fishtailing cars on the streets, sore tushes from slipping and falling, and dozens of numb fingers and noses, and then just when we think we can’t take the winter anymore, spring arrives.
The sun starts shining, the blue sky emerges from behind the grey clouds and the tulips and daffodils start peaking up through the frozen soil. The excitement of the impending summer with all its joy overwhelms me to the point of spring fever, or possibly even spring madness. It’s been so nice for the past week or so, I’ve watched bulbs started to sprout; I’ve washed my car, swept out the garage and even took some time to sit on the porch to bask in the sun and read a book.
But just as fast as the excitement arrived, the disappointment follows. It never fails; Mother Nature must remind us who’s in charge. Today as I look out the window, watching the snow fall to the ground, I’m reminded that the weather is a jokester, taunting us, but ultimately bringing us back to reality from our premature daydreams of fun in the sun.

Benefit for my Cousin Curtis

2009-03-03T11:14:00.003-07:00

On October 15, 2008 Curtis was in a serious mtorcycle accident. He spent quite a bit of time in the shock trauma/ICU Unit at Intermountian Medical Center. The road to complete recovery is long. There have been many surgeries to reconstruct his face, teeth, and jaw bone; there will be several more. Medical bills are soaring and we, his family, are pulling together this dinner benefit to help him with medical expenses. So please join us for a night of family, friends, dinner and entertainment. (Please contact me for more information on the dinner).

If you are unable to join us on March 28th, and would still like to make a donation please stop by any Zions Bank and make a deposit to the Curtis Brooks Fund.

We will also be selling tshirts with the below image on the front. Please let me know if you are interested in purchasing a tshirt (prices have yet to be determined).

(The above graphic does include the first xray of Curtis after his accident.)

Another of my Favorite People Celebrating their Birthday

2009-02-27T12:20:00.002-07:00

February is a busy birthday month for me. My mom’s birthday on the 19th, yesterday was my husband’s birthday, and today is my brother’s birthday, three of the most important people in my life celebrating their births within a week of each other.

My brother is turning 31 today, one day younger then my husband. Its funny how alike they are, but yet are still so different. Maybe it’s their astrological sign, but I’d like to believe that I sought out someone like my brother. You know the saying that you marry your “mother” or “father”, that you tend to seek out those that have similar characteristics of your parents, well, I believe because my father was so far away while I was growing up, JD was the “man” in my life, and therefore I sought out someone similar to him. What a great choice for me, I can’t imagine finding anyone better suited for me then Ronnie, and he’s the one I was looking for, thanks to my brother.

Growing up, JD used to drive me crazy with his teasing and joking, just like Ronnie does now. But I also remember so many loving wonderful times with my brother, and even though we were siblings and we fought A LOT, we sure loved and protected each other more then most. Today, on his birthday, I want to tell him Happy Birthday, but I also want to thank him for being such an important part of my life, for being a wonderful brother, an awesome uncle to my kids, and an amazing friend and confidante.

Happy Birthday Uncle D….we love you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2009-02-26T08:20:00.001-07:00

31 years ago today the love of my life was born, so he could be my wonderful husband and a loving father to our two beautiful children. His Mom Sheila deserves a huge Thank You from me. Ronnie...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I love you!

Happy Birthday Mom!

2009-02-19T18:32:00.002-07:00

Today is my beautiful Mom's birthday. I hope she knows how lucky we know we are to have her in our lives, and how much we care and love her.

I hope she's having a good birthday!My Mom and her husband Jess

My Mom, brother J.D., Me, Ethan, & Sophia on my birthday

5 Things Tagged

2009-02-16T17:35:00.002-07:00

5 Things I was doing 5 years ago

Getting used to being back to work after my 3 month maternity leave
Helping Ethan learn how to be a good big brother
Learning how to split my time between Ronnie and the kids
Trying to talk Ronnie out of being restless with his job (didn't work, but that change was probably the best thing he did for us)
Finally started painting the walls in our house, I still haven't finished, I'm so indecisive

5 Things on my to do list Today

Finish laundry...or at least sorting laundry
Get things ready for tomorrow
Grocery Shopping
Spend time with Ronnie and the kids
Organize, Organize, Organize

5 Things I would do with a Million Dollars

Pay off our house...wouldn't that be nice
Spend more time traveling with my loved ones
Put money away for the kids' college
Help pay medical bills for a couple of much loved family members (fundraising info will be posted shortly)
Save, Save, Save for the future

5 Places I've lived
I don't have 5, I'm boring

5 Jobs I've had

Cashier at a Chinese restaurant-fun, except for hot mustard night, spent one night a week crying while I filled little cups with hot mustard
Cashier at Supercuts-best job for single girls, great way to meet guys (I was still in highschool and didn't know Ronnie yet)
Data Entry for USPS-great job, but working nights is not for me
Loan Officer at a credit union-I loved this job, the girls and the members that came into the credit union, but having a gun pointed at me was too much for me.
Executive Administrative Assistant-so far so good. I love my job and the people I work for and with.

5 Things I want to be doing in 5 years

Spending more time traveling and boating with my family
Taking some classes to expand my knowledge
Decorating our basement which will be finally finished
Being the best Mom I can be
Finally being comfortable in a bikini!!!

5 People I tag:
Trisha, Terra, Sioux, Melinda, & Jackie

1st Sewing Class

2009-02-15T19:36:00.003-07:00

My Aunt Denise is great at almost everything. One thing that she is great at that most of us our jealous of is her sewing skills. She is an awesome seamstress. Whenever anyone needs something sewn, hemed, or mended (is that a word) we call her. She helped me fix clothes, helped me make the kids Halloween costumes, and she even made dresses for the girls in my wedding. She finally decided it was time for her to teach us to fend for ourselves. She put together a class, once a month, we can bring a project we need help with or she will do a monthly "theme" if you will. Last month was pillowcases. I made these cute Valentine pillowcases for Ronnie, they have red lips all over them.

Here are some pictures from our first class:

Look at me sewing away

Me, my cousin Stephanie, and my Aunt Eva

They trusted me with the surger!

My wonderful Aunt Denise, explaining how to cut fabric.

My Mom and Aunt Eva being dorks.... (Allie is in the background laughing at us all)

I can't wait to get to the point when I feel comfortable pulling out a sewing machine and whipping something up by myself.

Next month baby blanket, wish me luck!

Thanks to Internet Sites

2009-02-15T19:15:00.005-07:00

I just wanted to give the weirdest thank you possible. To all the friend websites that help you connect with people you've lost touch with. In the last few weeks I've had two get togethers with friends and coworkers from my past, and its been so much fun!

Darci, Robyn, & Me (Junior High Friends)

Me and Mel

Joyce, Sienna, and MeMe, Amanda, her darling son, and Joyce

Ryan, Mel, & Amy

I'm hoping for many more fun get togethers and reconnecting with those people I've lost with along the way.

Happy Valentines Day

2009-02-13T13:41:00.002-07:00

I don’t want anyone to misunderstand what I’m about to say, so first I’ll let you know, I’ve always liked Valentines Day. Everyone in a loving mood, there are hearts and flowers and cupids, red and pink everywhere, how can you not like Valentines Day. I’m not a Valentines Day hater by any means.

My problem with Valentines Day is the fact that we actually have a day on the calendar, to remind us to treat the ones we love, the way we should treat them everyday of the year. Who decided that instead of showering their special someone with love and appreciation everyday, they would choose one day to overdo it, just to make up for the rest of the year when they didn’t show their love enough. My Grandparents were married on Valentines Day, I believe in 1948, and they are still going strong and from what a granddaughter can tell, are still very much in love. It's a reminder to me that it is about so much more then the cards and flowers, it's about everlasting love, and sharing yourself with that one person you love and not for just one day of the year.
Someone asked me today if I thought I was going to get flowers from Ronnie, I said no. They seemed surprised and I reminded them that he sent me flowers early last week. Their reply was “that was last week and today is Valentines Day (at least at work)”. That is exactly my point, Ronnie shows me he adores me so frequently that I don’t need one day a year to expect it. I prefer it that way; at least I know it comes from his heart, instead of some reminder on a calendar.

The Best Neighbors

2009-01-22T09:13:00.003-07:00

A neighbor of mine wrote a few days ago about how she lives on the best street with the best neighbors and I have to agree. While our neighborhood does do the big things for one another and we all come together to help out, it's the little things that are done out of pure kindness without the need for recognition or thanks that make our neighbors so wonderful.

It was garbage day yesterday, before I left for work I pulled the garbage and recycle cans down to the curb to be picked up. Last night when my ride dropped me off after work I realized someone had pulled them both up from the curb for me. I don't know who it was I'm sure it was someone who knew Ronnie was working and I'd have to do it when I got home. I'm sure it was one of those little things, the ones done out of kindness, without the need for a thank you or any recognition.

I hope whoever did it reads this blog, because this is the only way I'll be able to say thank you. And if you're reading this blog, and you know who did it, please make sure they know how grateful I am to have such great neighbors.

It's Been Awhile

2009-01-13T14:13:00.001-07:00

It’s been too long since I’ve opened up and shared my thoughts with the blogworld. There has been so much going on in this head of mine and I’m sure no one wants a first hand look at the spring cleaning going on up there, so I’ve tried not to log on and post a bunch of nonsense.
I’ve spent days calming others and explaining to them that the tumor and seizure happened to me for a reason, maybe not one I can figure out right now, but in any case, there is a reason. I’ve always been a believer that things happen for a reason and most importantly, the Lord will never give you more then you can handle. I’m going to be alright, that I know without a doubt, there is no reason for me to think otherwise.
This may sound so cliché or corny, but I believe I’m lucky, it could be so much worse, and I have so much to be thankful for. I have a great husband, an awesome marriage, two wonderful kids, a huge loving family, friends who I adore and amazingly, they sort of adore me back. I have the ability to work, to help support my family and give my kids more then I had growing up. I have a great job, with great bosses and coworkers who have been not only supportive through this, but also sincerely concerned. There’s also this odd thing that happens when something like this occurs, you start to reconnect with people and mend relationships that have been broken for some reason or another. I’ve been able to start mending a relationship with someone who should play a huge roll in my life, and hopefully we’re on our way back to that.
Once the cobwebs have finished being cleared out of the space my brain resides in, I will get back on my normal purging and posting schedule.
Thank you all for all the concern, support, and love!

My Birthday

2009-01-10T15:41:00.005-07:00

I think because of everything that has happened in the last few months, I decided I wanted to actually get people together for my birthday. I had given up on birthday "parties" for myself after I turned 21, really what was the point. It may have been a little self serving, after finding out you have a brain tumor, you start reflecting on your life and what's left of it. I just wanted to spend time with people I love and is there a better excuse then a birthday.

We went to dinner and we were able to get a private room where we talked, laughed, and enjoyed each others company.

Me and the love of my life

Tammy and Curtis. Yes, this is the Curtis that was in the motorcycle wreck. I feel very lucky to have had him come to my birthday dinner.

My Mom, Sophia, and Jess

My brother JD and his girlfriend Kenna

Some friends, Katie and Drew.

Ronnie's Mom, Sheila and her new husband, David

Ethan, Jakob, and my friend Sienna

My cousin Danielle, Uncle Bob, and Aunt Diann (yes, this is the Aunt that was with me when I had my seizure, God Bless her!)

It was a great night, spent with great company. I did get a little emotional, but hopefully everyone expected that. I hope they all know how much I care about them and appreciate the roll they all play in my life.

SNOW!

2009-01-10T15:27:00.003-07:00

The snowfall has gotten a bit ridiculous. I remember getting this much snowfall this fast maybe once, but it just wouldn't stop.

Ronnie had to shovel a path to the shed to get the kids' sled's for them to play with. The path has since been covered with more snow.
The blazer was completely covered by the time the snow stopped. Ronnie dug it out and wouldn't you know, started right up on the first try. No wonder I love that old thing!

There is no "trick photography" with this picture. That is a car that is BARELY taller then the snowdrift on the side of the road. This picture was taken Dec 26, now the snow is actually to the top of that fence.

Christmas

2009-01-10T15:22:00.006-07:00

We had a great Christmas. Somehow with everything that was happening I still managed to get the Christmas shopping done (thanks to Ronnie, my Mom, Aunt Denise, & Aunt Diann for being my shopping chauffeurs). While I can't say the kids got everything they asked for, I do believe they had a great Christmas. It snowed all day, so we weren't able to visit everyone we usually do, but it was nice to slow down and enjoy being with those we were able to visit.

Kung Fu

2009-01-10T15:16:00.001-07:00

Ethan had a Kung Fu Tournament the week before Christmas. We're so proud of him, he took 1st place!

Ethan and his Sifu, Mike

Santa

2009-01-01T19:59:00.005-07:00

Santa made a visit to the kids' daycareSophia and her friends with Santa
We took the kids to visit Santa and Prancer at a local Christmas tree lot. He visits every year, but has to leave a few days before Christmas, to get ready for Christmas Eve.

Fall

2009-01-01T19:48:00.001-07:00

These are a little late, but you have to appreciate kids jumping in the leaves..

Sophia's 5th bday

2009-01-01T19:25:00.005-07:00

Here's the picture version of Sophia's 5th bday.

Sophia and her DadLexie, Sophia, & Savannah
All the kidsHer party was at a "bounce house"Danielle, Tyler, Roschelle, & Nana

My Gift to You

2008-12-26T16:41:00.004-07:00

I hope everyone is enjoying their holidays with their loved ones. My holiday gift for you all is a reminder, a reminder to appreciate what you have, do not dwell on what you don't have, and remember those that love you and don't miss an opportunity to love them back.

Happy Holidays!

Let it Snow

2008-12-21T15:18:00.002-07:00

It feels like its been snowing for days. In fact I think today is the first day in about a week I've looked outside and not seen white fluffy flakes falling to the ground. I guess that's one good thing about not being able to drive. You see because of the seizure I had on Thanksgiving, I legally can't drive until the beginning of March. Hopefully by March the snow will be gone for the most part and I won't have to worry about driving on those icy roads.

If I have to be stuck in the house, I'd prefer looking out the window and seeing the world blanketed by the pure white perfect flakes that have fallen from heaven. So for now I say...Let it Snow!

The Thanksgiving I'd like to Forget

2008-12-13T12:39:00.001-07:00

After the movie Diann was taking me home, this is where the split "personality" of the day came through. I remember driving (actually Diann driving) and we were talking about our thoughts of the movie. I remember talking about the remaining books becoming movies and how more then anything I want her to finish Midnight Sun. I remember pulling up to a stop light.....the next thing I remember was looking around, confused. We were parked on the side of the road,I could hear Diann crying outside of the car, I couldn't see her, I couldn't move, I could see a sign on the side of the road and I was trying to figure out where exactly we were. Then I could see an ambulance with the lights and sirens coming straight for me. I don't remember the paramedics walking towards me, I just remember them talking to me, asking me questions I couldn't answer. I didn't know where I was, where we had been, I couldn't even tell them how old I was. It was terrifying. I don't even think I answered any of there questions. I don't remember them putting the IV in my arm. I don't remember if I walked to the ambulance or if they put me on a stretcher and pushed me. I could hear Diann in the front of the ambulance talking to the driver, I could hear the three paramedics who were in the back talking, but nothing was seeming to register to me. When all the sudden I remembered how old I was. I'm sure that was a question they asked several minutes before, but I finally remembered and that was something. Then we pulled into the ER.

Apparently, I had a seizure. Diann said we were talking, and then I started convulsing. She rolled down the window and asked the lady in the car next to us to call 911. I've never had a seizure before, and like I said I don't remember a second of it. The papers from the hospital and the fire department called it a Tonic Colonic Seizure, which is what used to be termed as a Grand Mal Seizure, lasting over 3 minutes.

Several posts ago I talked about how lucky I am to have a family that is so supportive and loving, and I this was just another reminder of that. It was Thanksgiving night, after 10 pm and I don't think I could have kept my family away. Of course Diann was there, Ronnie came, my Mom and Jess, JD and Kenna and Bob came. Ronnie had Ethan and Sophia with him, but Jess took them to his house to put them to bed, and to keep them from seeing me in the condition I was in.

Since then I've had several tests and we're still trying to figure out what is next, and where I go from here. I've been off work, on disability of sorts, needing someone to watch me most of the time. I can't drive and I've had to depend on others way more then I am used to.

I've always been the person that would offer help to anyone, I would actually be offended if someone needing help wouldn't ask me, but now that I'm on the receiving end, it's much harder. I like to be independent and helpful, and that's not how I feel these days.

I do have to thank all the people that have been helping me lately. My Aunt Denise has been my constant babysitter and chauffer, taking me to appointments and just wherever she goes, just to get me out of the house. My mom and Jess who have helped with the kids even more then usual, and our neighbors, especially Rochelle, who has drove Ethan to school almost every morning, even though her daughter is off track and she should be sleeping in (I would be). Again I'm reminded of how lucky I am.

THANKSGIVING

2008-12-12T21:58:00.000-07:00

My Thanksgiving had a split personality. But for now, lets just talk about the good. It started out as a great day. We spent dinner at my Uncle Bob's and Aunt Diann's house. We planned on having Thanksgiving dinner there because it would be easier for Curtis, but he decided to spend Thanksgiving with his Dad in Colorado. We were disappointed to not have him with us, but I was so happy that he was able to travel and visit with his family that aren't as lucky as we are. They don't have the pleasure of being able to visit him on a daily basis. I admit I did worry about him traveling by himself, but he made it there and back safely. We still had plenty of loved ones with us during dinner. There was the four of us, Ronnie, Ethan, Sophia and myself.Uncle Bob, Aunt Diann, cousin Danielle & Bree, my mom, Jess, my brother J.D., Kenna, Uncle Eddie, Aunt Theresa, cousin Tony and his girlfriend, cousin Richard and his wife Becky, cousin Kallie, her boyfriend Nick, and her three kids. It was a great dinner, with lots of great company and conversation. And most importantly...LOVE!After dinner, Ronnie, the kids, and I ventured across the street to Ronnie's Grandparents house. We had the pleasure of visiting his Grandparents, Ronnie's Dad, Aunt Debbie, Uncle Roger, cousin Keith and his wife Carly (with baby on the way, Veronique), Ronnie's sister Tina (with baby on the way, Justice) her boyfriend, and his nephew Chance.After visiting for a few, we made our way back to Bob and Diann's house, where the crowd had thinned. Some were playing Wii and others were visiting. Diann and I decided it was our chance to sneak away to catch a showing of Twilight!I have to say I was both pleased and disappointed with the movie. There were parts that thrilled me, but other parts that were so far from how I imagined it, that I was discouraged. I guess that's how it always is when you read the book first and are so anxious for the movie.

The Pumpkin Patch & Halloween

2008-11-14T16:24:00.005-07:00

Ethan, Christian, & Sophia being clowns

My Witch and Dead Zombie Knight

I Lied

2008-11-14T12:36:00.000-07:00

Yes, I admit it, I lied, but it's really not my fault. Apparently some of the doctors had a miscommunication; therefore giving the family wrong information. Curtis was not able to go home on the 12th, but rather was in surgery on the 13th. From what I’ve been told it was for his knee, in the beginning it was believed it would be able to heal without surgery, but the MRI showed there was still separation. Hopefully he’ll be released in a few more days.

Both my kids have strep throat, so I’m not able to visit him without worrying about spreading it to him, which at this point would not be good. So I’ll wait a few days to visit, hopefully he’ll be home by then.

More Excellent News!

2008-11-12T21:01:00.001-07:00

Curtis is being released from the hospital today, exactly 4 weeks after his accident. After seeing him on the first day, I would have never thought he’d be coming home so fast. I really believe that all the love and support of the people surrounding him helped with the healing process.

He had several different nurses while he was in the ICU, and I appreciated the ones that believed and understood our family bond. They would let us talk to him and touch him, and like my brother JD and his roommate Brandon (who were more then happy to take the “night shift”) just sit in his room for hours on end (of course I’m talking about when he was in a coma).

There were some that didn’t appreciate us being there. One actually asked my Aunt “how would you like it to have all these people hovering over you, touching you?” My Aunt told her that is the way our family is and that was what Curtis was used to. But she agreed that we would do whatever the nurses asked us to do, for Curtis’ sake. I can’t imagine being used to our family and the closeness we have, and not having it or feeling it while you are in a coma, what a lonely feeling that would be. I know some believe that people in comas, don’t feel or hear anything, but I think they’re wrong. How else can you explain Curtis’ miraculous recovery? We surrounded him with all the people that love him, and he’s already going home!

His accident happened so early in the morning, family starting arriving around 3 am. I didn’t receive a call until around noon that day; I think they believe I’m not strong enough to handle such things. So when I talked to my brother, he told me to come see him before they took him into surgery, if I wanted to, of course I did. He wasn’t awake, had been unconscious since the accident, but obviously something was reaching him, somewhere in his mind. Apparently before I got there the doctor asked him a question and Curtis gave him the thumbs up. When you would talk to him, he would squeeze your hand, and I knew he could tell we were there. Everyone needed a little break before they took him in to surgery, so I stood there, holding his hand for a good half hour or so. I tried to walk across the room to get tissues, but when I tried to take my fingers out of his hand, he squeezed tighter, he wouldn’t let go. I had to ask the cleaning lady to hand me the box of tissues.

The whole time he was out or under, or however you’d like to say it, he knew we were there and we loved him. He knew we were supporting him and waiting for his eyes to open. He knew we would all be overjoyed when he could come home. And I’m sure there were times he was tired of listening to all of us babble non stop to him, but if that’s what it takes to get him better, and home, that’s what we’ll do. I feel so lucky and proud to be a part of this wonderful family; I can’t imagine it any other way.

Thanks again to everyone who visited, sent love and prayers, and supported Curtis, our family and friends through this. We can’t tell you enough how much we appreciate it!

God Bless you all!

Curtis Update

2008-11-07T16:44:00.002-07:00

I know I should already have a post about Sophia turning 5, but she’s having a party this Saturday so I’ll update after that one.

I have news about Curtis, GREAT news actually. He is doing remarkable. Everyday he is more himself, and his quick recovery makes the crash seem like it happened months ago. The doctors have given us great hope by setting a tentative release date, which will hopefully be a week from today. He’ll be staying with his mom until he’s recovered and he'll still need to have someone with him 24 hrs a day. He’ll still be going to physical and work therapy at the hospital. They have said his complete recovery could take up to a year, but I have hope that it will be sooner, they were the ones who told us his release date wouldn’t be until mid to end of December.

I went to visit him last night. He said some pretty funny things, and I’m sure they won’t translate quite as humorous in writing, but I’m still going to post them.

To his mom, after his stepdad mentioned going to eat a steak for dinner:
“I hate you mom, just go have a beer and a filet mignon, whatever, I don’t care. Sizzler has great deals.”

To my brother when he was talking to him on the phone:
“Hey, I’m getting ready to check out, so when we get out of here I’ll call you and tell you where we’re going so you can meet up with us……….Ya, I’m checking out, I’m not coming back until tomorrow.”

To his friend’s girlfriend:
“Is your hot tub ready? I’m heading over there now.” When she said they were draining it and then refilling it he said “Well that doesn’t work, it will never be ready.”

On my way out of the hospital I passed by one of his friends who told me that Curtis had asked to use his cell phone the night before. He called information and asked for the number to a hotel downtown. When they connected him to the hotel, he tried to make a reservation for that night. Apparently he thought he needed someplace to stay.

I'm going to try to get some pictures posted in the next few days.

The whole family appreciates all the love, support and prayers everyone has been sending Curtis’ way. Thanks again!

5 Years Ago

2008-11-04T16:39:00.006-07:00

Let me tell you a little about November 4th, 2003, five years ago today. I remember working a full day, going to a doctor appointment during my lunch break, stopping at a bookstore on the way home from work, Ronnie making dinner, reading books to Ethan, and Ronnie taking pictures of Ethan rubbing my enormous belly. After putting Ethan to bed, Ronnie and I settled into bed ourselves. And those are my last memories of our family of three.
At midnight I woke up in labor, the same time I woke up in labor with Ethan, the difference this time, was I knew this was it. I had no question in my mind that what I was feeling was Sophia making her entrance into this world. By three am we were dropping Ethan off at my Mom’s house and making our way to the hospital. It wasn’t a long ride, but it seemed like it took forever. There was no counting time between contractions; she was ready to make her entrance into this world. Less then twelve hours after going into labor Sophia joined our family. She weighed a whopping 8 lbs 15 oz! Ethan was only 7 lbs 1 oz, so that seemed HUGE to me and my 5’1” body. Even my doctor was a little shocked; although I had been telling him for months I knew she was going to be huge, he just didn’t believe she’d be that big.
She had a perfect little round face and wonderful, almost tanned, tone to her skin. She had tons of curly hair, in a perfect auburn shade. She was beautiful! The perfect addition to our family.
Tomorrow she’ll turn five, and I’ve been procrastinating planning a celebration for her. Somewhere in my mind I believe if we put it off, she won’t turn five yet, even though I know it’s not true. It’s hard to watch my baby grow up, to not be my baby anymore. I haven’t decided if it’s harder to watch your first born or your baby grow up, for me, both are extremely hard. My biggest wish is to raise them both the best I can, with the values and beliefs I feel are important, and most of all, with all the love I have to give the